Daves musings

Absolutely nothing!

2009-07-28T20:32:00.002+01:00

This evening I had an awesome encounter on my way home from work. Walking through Peckham Square, I saw a guy that we see quite often with Street Pastors. He was sitting on his own so I went and joined him. He was feeling down, thinking that because of certain situations in his life, things he had done, he had blown his chances with God. What an honour it was to share with him the amazing truth that however far he felt he'd strayed from God, at no point during that time had God left him. I was able to share with him some verses from Romans that had been on my mind a lot recently:

"Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." (Romans 8:35, 37-39)

This guy was blown away when he realised that; and it made me so excited as I watched him light up. That is what my life is about, and it was good to be reminded and given fresh encouragement of the passion that I have to see these lives changed in such a dramatic way.

But aside from that, as I carried on walking home, it struck me that so often I didn't remember that basic truth that is the basis of our faith. How often I too think that I've blown it when I mess up - that this time is the last straw. It's been refreshing for me to ponder those words afresh.

I'm reading Philip Yancey's "What's so Amazing About Grace" at the moment - I've read it before but I sensed I needed to remind myself of some of the basic truths that I so often forget. In it, Yancey writes:

"I grew up with the image of a mathematical God who weighed my good and bad deeds on a set of scales and always found me wanting. Somehow I missed the God of the Gospels, a God of mercy and generosity who keeps finding ways to shatter the relentless laws of ungrace...Grace makes its appearance in so many forms that I have trouble defining it. I am ready, though, to attept something life a definition of grace in relation to God. Grace means there is nothing we can do to make God love us more - no amount of spiritual calisthenics and renunciations, no amount of knowledge gained from seminaries and divinity schools, no amount of crusading on behalf of righteous causes. And grace means there is nothing we can do to make God love us less - no amount of racism or pride or pornography or adultery or even murder. Grace means that God loves us as much as an infinite God can possibly love."

How we need to be reminded of that. That said, it's not something to be taken lightly - it's not a get out of jail pass that means we can do what we want...because actions still have consequences! But one thing that will never change is the love that God has for you and for me.

Go on, in the name of God and in the power of His might...

2009-07-27T15:50:00.001+01:00

I recently came across this in John Wesley's last letter - which he wrote to William Wilberforce:

"Unless God has raised you up for this very thing, you will be worn out by the opposition of men and devils. But if God be fore you, who can be against you? Are all of them together stronger than God? O be not weary of well doing! Go on, in the name of God and in the power of his might, till even American slavery (the vilest that ever saw the sun) shall vanish away before it."

Where there is no vision...

2009-02-23T15:49:00.002Z

It's been so long since I last posted here. It would be a lie to say that nothing has been going on that was worthy of posting, because so much has happened, so much has changed, I'm still recovering from it all! There have been times since my last post when I've completely lost sight of the passion and the calling that I have - sometimes for long periods of time, and I really suffered for that. The proverb is true; "Where there is no vision, the people perish" (Proverbs 29:18 KJV). Paul urges us to fix our eyes on Jesus - how important it is, amidst anything else, to not lose sight of your reason for living, and the passions that you have.

I've been reading Celebration of Discipline (Richard Foster), and have been really challenged to press deeper in to God in prayer and in worship. As I've been reminded of my passions, and been given renewed energy to pursue them, I've also been reminded that I can do nothing by myself, and that anything and everything I seek to do for God needs to be totally grounded in prayer and worship. John Wesley says, "God does nothing except in answer to prayer".

I know that I am called to be a parent to Ashley, a partner to Hazel, and a pastor to all those who I come across; be that in Peckham or anywhere else. I know that in all things I'm called to bless, encourage, and share laughter with everyone that I meet. And, ultimately, I know that I am called to share Jesus with the hurting and the broken. All of these have many challenges associated - but scripture tells us that God is enough, and that He will supply all of our needs. And prayer is the backbone to that, and I feel challenged now more than ever to be interceding for Hazel, for Ashley, and for the people of Peckham.

I've had some beautiful moments with Ashley recently where I've been really touched and have seen God in him clearly...but it's also made me more aware of the spiritual responsibility that parents have for their children - it's up to us to be constantly praying for him as he grows, and ensuring that he is raised in a way that glorifys God. And he won't take what we tell him about God seriously unless he sees it in our lives.

I'm challenged when I look through the Bible and see people gathering for worship, expecting and knowing God's presence. When Moses entered the Tabernacle he knew he was entering the presence of God, he wasn't surprised one week when He felt God move. Reading Acts, we see the most amazing things happening in the early church...but it is normal to people, they expect it, such is the level of expectation and their knowledge of who God is. Let us raise our expectations!!

Bit of a disjointed post, but now I've got back to blogging I'll write in more detail soon as I press deeper into these things!

Dying flowers and life in its fullness

2008-09-04T12:52:00.005+01:00

The other week a kid was shot dead in a shop down the road from where I live. It's a shop I walk past pretty much every day on my way to work and on my way to church. As you've probably seen on the news, kids killing eachother is nothing new in this area and so this one hardly sticks out much - there's been others since then. It's made slightly more poignant by the fact that the kids who shot him were aiming for someone else and this guy was nothing to do with any gang or anything, he was in the shop with his parents queueing to pay. But even that has hardly turned any heads - nobody seems bothered by the tragic scenes that are being played out daily.

I went to the place the day after he was shot and there were flowers and cards outside, mourning the death of another young person. But going past there again recently got me thinking...the flowers were starting to die, the bits of paper had got wet in the rain and were smudged and coming off the wall and it was all beginning to look a bit sad. It made me realise - in a couple of days this shooting will be completely forgotten, along with all of the others. Who's Ryan Bravo? 25 young people have been killed in London so far this year - who can remember any of their names? Guys in gangs who think it's cool to die...what did their death achieve? Last week I saw a gang of 180 young people all together, who were later stopped by police and 151 were arrested for possession of weapons. Then in separate incidents on saturday night (I'm involved with an organisation called Street Pastors who hit the streets of Peckham on friday and saturday nights, 10pm-2am) I had encounters with people who unashamedly carry guns and are prepared to use them. Here life means nothing. People mean nothing.

Is this what the writer of Genesis means when he says "So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them" (Genesis 1:27)

Is this what Jesus meant when He said "I tell you, my friends, do not be afraid of those who kill the body and after that can do no more. But I will show you whom you should fear: Fear him who, after the killing of the body, has power to throw you into hell. Yes, I tell you, fear him. Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? Yet not one of them is forgotten by God. Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows." (Luke 12:4-7)

Each year there's a big push for the Alpha course, where they put adverts in cinema's and on the backs of buses all over London and in taxis and on TV etc. The theme of the adverts this year is asking people "If God did exist, what question would you ask him?" One of the responses currently making its way all over London on the back of the 176 bus is "Is this it?"

I think creation is searching for more. Those flowers outside the shop show that people are trying to engage with the bigger questions of the purpose of life and yet they don't know how - they just know that what is happening shouldn't be...that we're made for something more than merciless killings.

"The creation waits in eager expectation for the sons of God to be revealed. For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the glorious freedom of the children of God. We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time." (Romans 8:19-22)

Check out the first line of that passage...creation is waiting to see something different, some glimmer of hope...and it's us that needs to show it! God has given me such a strong passion to live out hope and build community in this place and my prayer is that wherever God's people step out, others would see in them how life is meant to be. My girlfriend and I have made a choice to get to know the people we see who live on the estates - and already we can see fruit from that. It really doesn't take much, just allow people to see the Kingdom of God lived out in our lives. Paul writes "in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have" (1Peter 3:15). And they will ask, believe me, because creation is waiting!

Jesus said "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full" (John 10:10). Be the one to show people what that means!

My passion is to see the people of Peckham and the surrounding areas see that in Jesus there is life, there is forgiveness, there is acceptance, there is belonging, there is family, there is hope, there is joy, there is responsibility and there is a whole lot of excitement and adventure thrown in there too. It strikes me that those things are what people are killing eachother for, they're looking for those things but in the wrong places. JESUS DIED, YOU DON'T HAVE TO!!

I'm reminded that we're in a battle, but I get so much hope from Revelation 17:14 "They will make war against the Lamb, but the Lamb will overcome them because he is Lord of lords and King of kings—and with him will be his called, chosen and faithful followers." COME ON!!

Thoughts from Nehemiah

2008-06-03T15:00:00.003+01:00

God is good! Recent times have been a massive struggle - you know those times when one thing comes after another and then when you think nothing else can go wrong and it can't get any worse it does, repeatedly? Well that's where I've been for a while. But over the last month or so things have been looking up in a big way - no details just yet, but God has been faithful and is doing something good!

A while ago, while I was struggling with different stuff I read some passages from Nehemiah that really spoke to me. Looking back over it now, with hindsight, gives further meaning to it. Isn't it funny how when we get through a hard period and look back we see it from a totally different perspective, since we're able to see the journey God has brought us on during that time. So let me try and write those thoughts down - in the order that they come to me, so they're not organised at all! Hananai and his mates went to see Nehemiah soon after the Jewish exile to chat about those who had gone through it and survived. They said:

"They said to me, "Those who survived the exile and are back in the province are in great trouble and disgrace. The wall of Jerusalem is broken down, and its gates have been burned with fire." When I heard these things, I sat down and wept. For some days I mourned and fasted and prayed before the God of heaven. Then I said: "O LORD, God of heaven, the great and awesome God, who keeps his covenant of love with those who love him and obey his commands, let your ear be attentive and your eyes open to hear the prayer your servant is praying before you day and night for your servants, the people of Israel. I confess the sins we Israelites, including myself and my father's house, have committed against you..."" (Nehemiah 1:3-6)

First point - how are we left when we've been through a battle? Yes, we may have made it through to the other side, but chances are that we've been damaged and need to be restored - by waiting on the Lord (Isaiah 40:31).

If we take the wall (reported by Hananai as being broken down) to be a symbol of protection, we see that after any period of attack, our defences can be weakened. Nehemiah's immediate response on realising this is to pray and seek God - and look at the way he begins his prayer. He doesn't pray "God, what on earth have You done, sort this mess out now", he praises God for who He is, regardless of the situation he finds himself in. Then he goes on to confess and repent of his sins and those of others. That challenged me - how do I approach God in circumstances like this? Too often, I don't go about it like that!

My next observation came later in the story, as Nehemiah went to see the king (he was his cupbearer). The king asked Nehemiah why he was sad (it says he had never been sad in the king's presence before), so Nehemiah explained that he was sad because the city he has known and that represents such a big part of him (his fathers are buried there) is destroyed, including it's defences...

"The king said to me, "What is it you want?" Then I prayed to the God of heaven, and I answered the king, "If it pleases the king and if your servant has found favor in his sight, let him send me to the city in Judah where my fathers are buried so that I can rebuild it."" (Nehemiah 2:4-5)

How often do we find ourselves in situations where people confront us with questions that we don't know how to answer or we don't feel comfortable giving an answer for whatever reason? Nehemiah was afraid of answering the king. But the key lies in the throwaway line in the verse above...he prayed to the God of heaven, then he was able to answer the king. Paul writes "Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone" (Colossians 4:6). If we focus our attentions on the God of heaven and on living in His ways then we need not fear when it comes to answering those who stand before us.

The final passage that challenged me (on a number of fronts) begins in the next chapter, as they begin to repair the damaged wall. A quick read of Nehemiah 3:1-27 shows different people repairing different sections of the wall...all through that passage we read "next to him...", and the passage lists those who were working on each section in order. Then in verse 28 we read "...the priests made repairs, each in front of his own house". This strikes me again on a point that I've written about so many times before, about the responsibility of the individual in any community or church. It's easy to view the church as a whole without realising that it can only ever be the sum of its parts, and that each of us must carry out our responsibilities. In this case, it meant that each person was responsible for looking after his little section of the wall. If any one of those people had neglected that responsibility then the defences would be incomplete and the whole community would be in danger. I think last time I wrote about it in the context of consecration, how we each need to prepare ourselves individually before we can stand as the body of Christ, but it applies anywhere - anything given in a group context must first be applied individually.

"But when Sanballat, Tobiah, the Arabs, the Ammonites and the men of Ashdod heard that the repairs to Jerusalem's walls had gone ahead and that the gaps were being closed, they were very angry. They all plotted together to come and fight against Jerusalem and stir up trouble against it. But we prayed to our God and posted a guard day and night to meet this threat" (Nehemiah 4:7-9)

As we build our defences and close up the gaps where the enemy has previously been able to get in to attack us, then we will meet opposition. We need to be praying, and constantly be on guard to meet that threat (see Ephesians 6:10-18). But we're promised the victory if we keep focussed on God. Jesus said "I have given you authority to trample on snakes and scorpions and to overcome all the power of the enemy; nothing will harm you" (Luke 10:19).

As we look through chapter 4 we see some principles that help when it comes to guarding ourself and building our defences...

1. Protect our weakest points. "Therefore I stationed some of the people behind the lowest points of the wall at the exposed places, posting them with families, with their swords, spears and bows" (v13). I've learnt recently that we need to know our weak spots. We need to be aware of the areas where the enemy attacks us and where we are weak. I know the areas in my life that fall short of what God expects, and I know the ways that the enemy so often tries to bring me down. When we know what it is, we need to pay particular attention to guarding that area of our lives, praying into it and taking physical steps to close up the gap. I find it particularly interesting that the verse mentions family - it is so clear to see how the enemy is attacking the family unit in our society...even if nothing else is a weak spot for us as individuals (which I don't believe for a minute), then surely this is a call for us to be upholding and defending the role of families.

2. Know whose strength we stand in. "After I looked things over, I stood up and said to the nobles, the officials and the rest of the people, "Don't be afraid of them. Remember the Lord, who is great and awesome, and fight for your brothers, your sons and your daughters, your wives and your homes."" (v14).

3. Support and cover eachother. "From that day on, half of my men did the work, while the other half were equipped with spears, shields, bows and armour. The officers posted themselves behind all the people of Judah" (v16). How important it is to be watching out for eachother as we go about our work, praying for eachother and supporting one another in good and bad times - rejoicing with those who rejoice, weeping with those who weep.

4. Come together. "The work is extensive and spread out, and we are widely separated from eachother along the wall. Wherever you hear the sound of the trumpet, join us there. Our God will fight for us!" (v19-20). I really see value in a church spending time together regularly to build eachother up, to be strengthened and refreshed and equipped, and also to stand and fight together. Paul writes "And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching" (Hebrews 10:24-25)

5. Be constantly ready and on guard. "Neither I nor my brothers nor my men nor the guards with me took off our clothes; each had his weapon, even when he went for water" (v23). Are there certain times of the day when we let our guard down and are easily distracted or tempted? Are there certain places we go?

Apologies for the random garbled thoughts that probably don't make much sense or fit together at all. Going on into chapter 5, I can see another post about JUSTICE on its way!!

Lessons

2008-03-04T19:53:00.002Z

It feels like ages since I've had anything to write about. To be honest I've not been in the mood to write about how good God is...that is the most shameful thing, and it's really hit me how selfish we can be. I guess it's a generational thing, we live in an age where we expect everything to work out how we want it to, as if that's our right, and if it doesn't then we sulk or assume that God isn't "on our side". I'm the worst culprit for this, and when things don't go well (most of the time!) I really struggle.

Recently it has felt like my whole world has been falling apart. As soon as I think nothing else can go wrong it does, etc...you know what it's like. Since the stuff God had been challenging me about before (see previous post) about praising Him through whatever we face, I felt really determined this time to cling to God for dear life through recent trials. It started well, but over time disaster after disaster started to loosen my grip, and once again I found myself at breaking point. And when I'm there faith and trust go out the window and I get really angry and worried and everything else that is really horrible and not God. One night as I was stressing about being stressed, I found this verse in Ezra...

"Then, at the evening sacrifice, I rose from my self-abasement, with my tunic and cloak torn, and fell on my knees with my hands spread out to the LORD my God and prayed..." (Ezra 9:5)

It really hit me. DAVE! Get out of yourself, who are you without God? Rely on Him. I'm humbled when I see people who are suffering in a big way, yet are still have an overwhelming sense of peace and faith in the Almighty.

A friend had said to me earlier in the week "if you can worry you can pray"...I'm a champion worrier, but until I share those worries with God instead of dwelling on them then nothing will change.

"I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. If anyone does not remain in me, he is like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given you." (John 15:5-7)

I recently spent a lot of time looking at these verses, and thinking about how we need to be rooting ourselves in God regardless of what is going on around us. I was particularly struck by the "if you remain in me and my words remain in you"...through everything recently I've been clinging to the words of scripture - be it promises of hope or warnings to let go of everything that isn't of God and to root myself in Him. When Jesus was in the desert being tempted by the devil, it was with words from scripture that He silenced the accuser.

"If you make the Most High your dwelling—even the LORD, who is my refuge-then no harm will befall you, no disaster will come near your tent. For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways; they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone. You will tread upon the lion and the cobra; you will trample the great lion and the serpent. "Because he loves me," says the LORD, "I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name. He will call upon me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honour him." (Psalm 91:9-15)

Not a very deep post this time, there's a big one on the horizon though so don't get too excited.

Lessons of the year

2008-01-11T21:19:00.000Z

Hmmm, I've been trying to sum up the "achievements" of 2007, as you do. And it's been really hard, hence why I'm writing it now. It was a really heavy year - lots of highs, lots of lows. But through it all, God has been God and has taught me so much. I've written about a lot of that as it came up over the year, but looking back today there are a couple of general things that stick out.

Since the start of the year, one passage from Habakkuk has hit me a few times - "Why do you make me look at injustice? Why do you tolerate wrong? Destruction and violence are before me; there is strife, and conflict abounds. Therefore the law is paralyzed, and justice never prevails. The wicked hem in the righteous, so that justice is perverted. The Lord 's Answer: "Look at the nations and watch— and be utterly amazed. For I am going to do something in your days that you would not believe, even if you were told"." (Habakkuk 1:3-5)

At the start of the year the only bit that stuck out to me was God's promise that He would do something great. As the year has gone on and I've seen and been involved in different situations that have really opened my eyes to the injustice that is going on, I've understood the context in which the promise was made, and it excites me even more. But often when I've seen these things, or when I've been struggling, my first thought hasn't been of God's promises to deliver, or of God's faithfullness. They've been negative thoughts, doubting thoughts, angry thoughts, etc. As I've been thinking about that recently and reading Habakkuk again I found this passage at the end:

"Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will be joyful in God my Saviour. The Sovereign LORD is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to go on the heights" (Habakkuk 3:17-19).

Through recent trials I've really learnt the need to be worshipping God and bringing Him the praise that is due to His name despite our circumstances. Yes that is hard, yes that goes against our natural instincts sometimes, but God is still God even when we don't see the bigger picture. As I've started to learn that and have decided to hand over all my struggles to God and worship Him as I am, I've noticed Him take me as I am and use me in those places to minister to and stand alongside other people in those situations whilst also delivering me from them (the situations not the people!)

Scripture assures us that in all things (Romans 8:28) God is able to work our situations for His glory. And I've come to realise that that doesn't just mean He rescues us from them, but that He uses the experiences that we gain there for His glory. Whatever is in your past, know that God can use that to equip you to serve Him today. And whatever happens now, know that God can use that to equip you and strengthen you for future tasks. I found a good quote, that the chief end of Man is to glorify God, and to enjoy Him for ever. Whatever our situations, whatever our struggles, whether there are grapes on the vine or not, God is still God and is worthy of praise. And when we worship we are transformed...thats one for the next blog!

The second thing that God has really opened my eyes to recently is justice - or the lack thereof, hence why I have come to notice the first part of the passage I mentioned earlier. There have been situations that I have been involved in where I have become really angry at the lack of response from the Church to these issues that are so blatantly obvious.

There are the problems we see on the television where entire nations are starving to death or dying of AIDS or walking for days to collect water due to poverty, whilst here footballers are changing hands from £30million. Delerious wrote this song...

40 million babies lost to Gods great orphanage,
It’s a modern day genocide and a modern day disgrace
If this is a human right then why aren’t we free?
The only freedom we have is in a man nailed to a tree.

100 million faces, staring at the sky,
Wondering if this HIV will ever pass us by.
The devil stole the rain and hope trickles down the plug,
But still my Chinese take away could pay for someone’s drugs.

Our God reigns, Our God reigns,
Forever your kingdom reigns.

The west has found a gun and it’s loaded with ‘unsure’
Nip and tuck if you have the bucks in a race to find a cure.
Psalm one hundred and thirty nine is the conscience to our selfish crime,
God didn’t screw up when he made you,
He’s a father who loves to parade you.

Yes he reigns, yes you reign, yes you reign,
For there is only one true God,
But we’ve lost the reins on this world,
Forgive us all, forgive us please,
As we fight for this broken world on our knees.

And then there are the issues right on our doorstep. Prostitution, young girls forced to sell themselves to sick and perverted men. It's sick and wrong, yet it is allowed to happen. People with nowhere to live. People held captive by alcohol, drugs, pornography, eating habits. Children leaving school unable to read and write. All of these and so many more are happening right under our noses, and all are things that I have come across in a big way recently. And what makes me really angry is that much of the time the Church is either too busy having fun on a sunday morning to notice the real issues facing its people, or it wraps itself in cotton wool and red tape which prevents it from doing what it was called to do. I ranted enough about that in a previous post, "What's in a name?" and stand by every word I said there so it's pointless saying it all again.

"I hate, I despise your religious feasts; I cannot stand your assemblies. Even though you bring me burnt offerings and grain offerings, I will not accept them. Though you bring choice fellowship offerings, I will have no regard for them. Away with the noise of your songs! I will not listen to the music of your harps. But let justice roll on like a river, righteousness like a never-failing stream!" (Amos 5:21-24)

It would be wrong of me to completely slate the Church for not doing anything, because in a lot of cases it is doing all it can. But it has really hit me that if our lives, the choices we make, the things we do and say - if they don't match up to the words that we sing so enthusiastically in Church then there's big problem. Worship and justice are inseperable. As we worship we press into God and seek to discover what is on His heart. As we look to Christ we are transformed into His likeness (2Cor 3:17-18) - and central to God's character is a heart and a passion for justice, for the last, the lost and the least. Bring it on!

What's in a name part 2 - aka What's in my name?

2007-11-11T18:15:00.000Z

I said last time that there would be more, and there is. But a couple of factors have changed the focus slightly from the Church as a whole to us as individuals. Both of these things have really challenged me recently so I make no apologies if this turns in to two blogs in one!

The first is a battle that I've been fighting for a while now, since my pastor told me to work out who I am as an individual. Identity is such a powerful thing, and placing it in the wrong things is dangerous...but all too easy.

"Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the LORD our God. They are brought to their knees and fall, but we rise up and stand firm" (Psalm 20:7-8)

The Bible is full of stuff about how people put their hope and their faith and their trust in other things besides God, and that is what shapes their identity. I fall in to that category, and it has been a real struggle trying to discover who I am in Christ because I’ve always allowed myself to be shaped by other people and circumstances. Over time, as I’ve been knocked back and rejected by the people that matter most to me, and have failed at the things that matter to me, I’ve been brought to my knees like those in the passage above who place their identity in the wrong things. Recently, as I’ve been working through this with a friend, I’ve been discovering that in fact I am what God says about me, not what the world says about me. Learning to apply that, and to live in the victory of those truths, is going to be a long journey.

“I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me” (Galatians 2:20)

The second is a conviction that I've had for a shorter time, but nevertheless it’s been a real awakening. My church has recently been working to a new vision based on 2 Corinthians 4, treasure in jars of clay, and seeking to break away the clay that is masking the treasure in this community and in us as individuals. I was struck recently by the thought that if we're to be effective in this corporate task then each of us will need to play our individual part in that (with compassion, sacrifice and desperation as mentioned in my last post). I believe it's time for The Salvation Army to live up to its name. William Booth purposefully stated that we are not just a Christian mission but an ARMY. We're called to take a stand for what is right. We're called to fight for justice and for salvation. And the only way that we will ever be effective corporately is if we're effective individually. I’m reminded of a quote from a military officer in the First World War, who said (roughly) that if a war is to be won it will not be won by the generals but by the privates. Likewise, if this war is to be won, it needs each of us to take our stand, united and upright.

One thing I constantly pray at the moment is that I would be a worthy role model for the young people that I work with, and a worthy representative of God’s Kingdom to the people who I come into contact with each day. I can’t change things in the world by myself, but I can change myself – and unless I do that and constantly measure myself by the standards given by God and not the world, all attempts at anything on a corporate level will be fruitless.

Carrying this point a bit further, let me elaborate on the “Desperate” section of my last post. I was writing about the need for us to be solely dependant on God if anything is to happen. As I’ve been praying about this, one passage has really stuck out to me that really illustrates what I’ve been thinking about – and it uses better words than “desperate”!

“After they had been severely flogged, they were thrown into prison, and the jailer was commanded to guard them carefully. Upon receiving such orders, he put them in the inner cell and fastened their feet in the stocks. About midnight Paul and Silas were praying and singing hymns to God, and the other prisoners were listening to them. Suddenly there was such a violent earthquake that the foundations of the prison were shaken. At once all the prison doors flew open, and everybody's chains came loose.” (Acts 16:23-26)

After being beaten and thrown into captivity, Paul and Silas’ first and natural response is prayer and worship – and they weren’t ashamed to be seen doing so either, the other prisoners were listening to them. We really need to be people who reflect that – who are stirred to pray and press deeper in worship, despite what is going on around us or indeed what is happening to us. That’s something I need to learn. And we need to be doing so in full view of the world. The key word in this passage, I believe, is “suddenly”. Paul and Silas were praying and singing, and “at once” they were set free, and everybody’s chains fell off…not just theirs, but the chains of those who witnessed their prayer and worship.

“I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living” (Psalm 27:13)

I’ve heard it asked recently why we’re not seeing revival and transformation on the scale that the early church saw…and, much more recently, on the scale seen in the early days of The Salvation Army. I believe that a lot of it comes down to our lack of prayer, worship and subsequent expectation. I sense that if we (as a church and as individuals) are wanting to see clay broken away, or chains falling off, whatever you want to call it, central to that needs to be a passion for prayer and an urge to press deeper in worship. When we do that, expect the “suddenly”!!

What's in a name?

2007-10-17T20:14:00.000+01:00

Feels like I haven't written anything for ages. I've been gathering my thoughts! Following recent events I've been thinking so much about what the Church (capital C) is called to be.

"on this rock I will build my church, and the gates of Hades will not overcome it. I will give you the keys of the kingdom of heaven; whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven." (Matthew 16:18-19)

It has been a really challenging journey as I've thought and prayed about it. And I don't suppose for a minute that the journey has ended, so expect "What's in a name; Part 2" very shortly! But a few of the things that have consistently stuck out to me are:

Compassion

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God" (2Corinthians 1:3-4)

Compassion is what revealed the true mother of the disputed baby (1Kings 3:26). I believe that that same driving, motivating feeling of love and understanding is what should set us apart as Christians in a broken and hurting world.

In the above passage, Paul writes that we recieve comfort from God so that we can pass that comfort on to other people. The Old Testament is full of stories of God's compassion. The Psalms repeatedly make reference to it. Jesus on many occasions is moved "by compassion" to do something, a perfect example being when He healed the leper...

"A man with leprosy came to him and begged him on his knees, "If you are willing, you can make me clean." Filled with compassion, Jesus reached out his hand and touched the man. "I am willing," he said. "Be clean!" Immediately the leprosy left him and he was cured." (Mark 1:40-42)

In those days, leprosy was serious business (the Greek word refers not just to leprosy but to a variety of diseases which affect the skin). There were strict laws in place regarding what a person with the disease could and couldn't do, and that anybody coming in to contact with such a person would render themselves unclean. But here we see Jesus filled with compassion bypassing all the laws and policies that isolate and devalue the man, reaching out His hand and touching him. No doubt it would have caused uproar among the religious experts and the people who saw the proceedings - the same people who were more worried about the fact that Jesus broke a rule by healing a man on the sabbath than the fact that a man had just been healed in their Synagogue (see Matthew 12:9-14).

Recently I've seen versions of that where people and organisations get so caught up in policies and rules and wrapping themselves in cotton wool to protect themselves that they miss the fact that we are called to a broken and hurting world that is in desperate need of compassion. Jesus did things that broke the law, made people hate him and eventually kill him (after a few failed plots)...but He still did them because He knew what needed doing. I get a really strong sense that we are called to go against the grain sometimes, to do things that seem stupid in the eyes of the world. We're not working in the name of the world, we're working in the name of Jesus and as such we should do things His way and not be ashamed of it. If Jesus hadn't acted with compassion and did the things that He did for the people He did them for, nobody else would have done it. People are in desperate places with desperate needs and desperate hurts that the world, in all it's rules and policies and fears, won't respond to. If the Church won't meet those needs and stand with those people then who will?

Sacrifice

Another thing that I've been reminded of is that it isn't acceptable to offer our working days up to God...Monday 10-5, Tuesday evenings, Friday afternoons and all day Sunday. God demands our life, 24/7. I'm always really humbled by the calling of the first disciples (Matthew 4:18-22) - how as Jesus calls Peter, Andrew, James and John to leave their family business and security and comfort zone to follow Him, each of them dropped what they were doing and followed Him "immediately". Not one of them would have had a clue what lay ahead. The fact that they were merely following in the family trade meant that they had no potential for making a way for themselves so they may have doubted their ability to do what Jesus required of them...but nonetheless they laid down their job, their security, their family commitments etc and made a commitment to the call of Jesus. Jesus makes no attempt to hide the sacrifice involved in being a disciple...

As they were walking along the road, a man said to him, "I will follow you wherever you go." Jesus replied, "Foxes have holes and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head." He said to another man, "Follow me." But the man replied, "Lord, first let me go and bury my father." Jesus said to him, "Let the dead bury their own dead, but you go and proclaim the kingdom of God." Still another said, "I will follow you, Lord; but first let me go back and say good-by to my family." Jesus replied, "No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God." (Luke 9:57-62)

If we're too busy with our own "personal commitments" to be God's hands and feet at any time then what good are we? Yes, it's a costly call. Yes, James and John's dad might have been a bit put out when they left him. Yes, it does mean sometimes losing a lot of sleep. But I believe that there is no greater joy than that of seeing the love of God expressed in a costly situation.

"I will not sacrifice to the LORD my God burnt offerings that cost me nothing" (2Samuel 24:24). Had David built the altar there on a free plot of land using free materials as offered by Araunah it would't have been the sacrifice that God had commanded. If we live lives of conditional ministry that fits within our time restraints and outside commitments, it isn't the sacrifice that God has commanded. When Jesus fed the five thousand, the disciples complained that it was getting late. They were tired and worn out. Right now, as I'm sitting in the office at church writing this, I have to be honest and say that I'm feeling pretty crap. I don't understand a lot of things that are happening at the moment. I'm tired, have had a stressful day and want nothing more than to go home to bed. But I'm struck once again by the fact that despite the disciples' weaknesses, Jesus did amazing things that evening. If the Church won't meet the needs and stand with the people that come at "inconvenient times" then who will?

Desperate

It seems a strange word, and maybe it's not the right word to use. But I sense that we need to be a people who know that we are nothing on our own. There's nothing really that I can say to elaborate on that one.

"You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world. They are from the world and therefore speak from the viewpoint of the world, and the world listens to them." (1John 4:4-5)

"'Not by might nor by power, but by my Spirit,' says the LORD Almighty" (Zechariah 4:6)

"For we have no power to face this vast army that is attacking us. We do not know what to do, but our eyes are upon you" (2Chronicles 20:12)

What would it be like to be a people who rely and trust solely in God, regardless of what society says, regardless of how bleak things look from our sheltered perspective? Somebody speaking at church on sunday mentioned the moment when Jesus prayed for the cup of suffering to be taken away from Him...He prays the "yet not my will but Yours" bit, then (a verse I hadn't noticed before)..."an angel from heaven appeared to him and strengthened him" (Luke 22:43).

I believe we need to be a people who do everything in prayer (Philippians 4:6-7) and worship...

"Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will." (Romans 12:1-2)

As I mentioned at the beginning, this is nowhere near the end of the list. I sense that God has so much more on the horizon for me to learn. If it's going to be anything like the recent events that have taught me the things above then I'm slightly scared! But I'm also slightly tired so I'm going home, and will continue another time. Basically though, if the Church won't, then who will?

Yet he did not waver

2007-09-13T23:51:00.000+01:00

I've been challenged on two fronts by a passage I read earlier...

"Against all hope, Abraham in hope believed and so became the father of many nations, just as it had been said to him, "So shall your offspring be." Without weakening in his faith, he faced the fact that his body was as good as dead—since he was about a hundred years old—and that Sarah's womb was also dead. Yet he did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God had power to do what he had promised. This is why "it was credited to him as righteousness." The words "it was credited to him" were written not for him alone, but also for us, to whom God will credit righteousness—for us who believe in him who raised Jesus our Lord from the dead. He was delivered over to death for our sins and was raised to life for our justification." (Romans 4:18-25)

Firstly, the bit about Abraham not losing faith in God's promise even when it looked completely impossible, and how his faith was strengthened as a result. Over recent months I have been stepping out of the boat and seeking to follow what appeared to be God leading me away from music college to study Theology. Although I felt sure that music wasn't the right thing for me, I wouldn't have said I was the right sort of person to study theology either. But God is God, and I feel confident of His guidance and it has been awesome to watch doors open in the most incredible ways (especially recently, when they have been miraculously held open!). The exciting thing is the knowledge that if I am to complete the next three years, I need to lean wholly on God because it's not something that I will be able to do in my own strength. In that sense it will be a real test of faith, but also an awesome opportunity for God to be glorified, just as He was when Abraham saw the promise fulfilled.

Secondly, the passage goes on to say that the power of God to fulfil His promises wasn't just for Abraham but it remains today for "us who believe". I've mentioned before that there are a couple of things that I really struggle with - esteem and relationships. And as much as I have seen God move in awesome ways regarding the whole theology thing, I've also continued to struggle (more so right now than ever before) with these other things. As I read the above passage with fresh eyes in the context of struggles as opposed to my celebrations, different parts stick out.

"Against all hope, Abraham in hope believed" - it raises the question once again about what we put our hope in. When all earthly factors seemed to be going against Abraham, he clung to the promise of God. Do we? Do I? Rarely...which is bad. I've seen for myself recently that God is faithful in His word - and not just with the university thing either. Recently my sister went into hospital for a big operation. I was able to go down to theatre with her when they put her to sleep, something I have never seen before. Watching her drift off to sleep mid-conversation was the hardest thing I have ever done, but I felt a tremendous sense of peace as I placed her in Gods hands, knowing that He would protect and restore her...and He did.

"Without weakening in his faith, he faced the fact" that both he and Sarah had physical limitations...how? How does he face his limitations and inadequacies without losing faith? I really wish I could! Why is it that no matter how many miracles God pulls off right in front of my eyes, I still struggle so much with the comparatively unimportant things? How do I manage to feel so crap in myself even though deep down I know that God is faithful and strong? I want to be like Abraham, hope against all hope.

"To you, O LORD, I lift up my soul; in you I trust, O my God. Do not let me be put to shame, nor let my enemies triumph over me. No one whose hope is in you will ever be put to shame" (Psalm 25:1-3a)

I'll stand!

2007-08-25T19:56:00.000+01:00

The devil is a liar!! Yesterday I really came under attack from the enemy and felt myself getting unjustifiably angry at things. But in the evening I started reading a book that my friend lent me about spiritual warfare. It really put things into context and opened my eyes to the battle that we, as Christians, face every day whether we know it or not.

In the opening chapter, the author hears the voice of the Lord saying "This is the beginning of the enemy's last day army. This is Satan's ultimate deception. His greatest power of destruction is released when he uses Christians to attack one another. Throughout the ages he has used this army, but never has he been able to use so many for his evil purposes as he is now. Do not fear, I have an army, too. You must now stand and fight because there is no longer any place to hide from this war. You must fight for my kingdom, for truth, and for those who have been deceived"

What a wake-up call at such a powerful moment! At a time when I find it so easy to become frustrated at things I don't understand in other denominations, and even the stayed traditionalist attitudes of parts of my own "denomination", I'm reminded that this is exactly what the enemy uses to tear apart the Church. The book depicts vividly the way the enemy uses pride, jealousy, selfish ambition, impatience, unforgiveness and many others, to leave the Church to tear itself apart and render itself useless in the fight.

"So Jesus called them and spoke to them in parables: "How can Satan drive out Satan? If a kingdom is divided against itself, that kingdom cannot stand. If a house is divided against itself, that house cannot stand." (Mark 3:23-25)

As the quote above says (from the book), we have a battle on our hands and we can no longer hide from it. For ages I mocked the whole "spiritual warfare" thing, I didn't understand it. But now my eyes are being opened and I realise how the devil is turning Christians upon themselves to render them useless and hinder the spread of the Kingdom.

Last week I took a Salvation Army flag and went and stood in the street outside my church with it. It was meant as a prank to welcome a friend back from holiday; but God had the last laugh and used the occasion to give me a nudge. As much as I normally don't like the traditional/symbolic aspects such as the flag, as I stood in the street and held the flag up I looked up at it just as a gust of breeze took hold of it. For a split second I was awestruck by the magnificence and splendour of it and was reminded that the only victors in this battle will be those that march united under the banner of Christ.

It is time to ready ourselves for the battle. It is time to stand united under the banner of Christ. It is time to put off "sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like" (Galatians 6:19-21). It is time to clothe ourselves in the full armour of God (Ephesians 6), not just parts of it. It is time to stand against the flaming darts of the enemy.

Another quote from the book which hit me; "You cannot win if you try to fight the enemy on his own ground. You must remain on My holy mountain"

"I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me." (Galatians 2:20)

Bring it on!!

Noise is beautiful?

2007-08-19T22:00:00.000+01:00

This evening I went to church (HTB) with a couple of friends. I went with a lot of stuff on my mind; worries, anxieties, etc. I wasn't in the ideal mood and part of me didn't really want to go but I had sensed in church this morning that I should go, so I did.

At one point during the worship I stopped singing, shut my eyes and just listened. It was like nothing I've heard before. I've been in times of worship before when there's been a really special moment; but this was something more than that. Perhaps nobody else noticed it, because it was nothing out of the ordinary. But what I heard was the sound of people all around me engaging with the Almighty, pouring out their hearts and giving their all. Usually those "special moments" are in the silences, or spontaneous singing. But as I shut my eyes and listened, there was nothing like that. It was a sound I guess we usually take for granted and think nothing of. But as I focussed on it this evening it filled my head in a beautiful way and, for a moment, I was unaware of anything else.

"My salvation and my honour depend on God; he is my mighty rock, my refuge. Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge." (Psalm62:7-8)

How I long to be able to pour out my heart to God in the way that I heard people doing this evening. What holds me back? Fear, I guess. This morning at church we were looking at how prayer is about a relationship with God. Just like a parent knows their child, so God desires that intimate relationship with us; a relationship of mutual trust.

"Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you," declares the LORD, "and will bring you back from captivity. I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you," declares the LORD, "and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile." (Jeremiah 29:12-14)

This evening in the response the speaker mentioned that our true identity can often be hidden under "cloaks" we put on (or that other people put on us). In reality, our true identity should only be as a unique and valued child of God. How I needed to hear that this evening. I was chatting with a friend the other day about how I don't feel "myself" unless I'm with certain people or doing certain things. But my identity isn't in the people I spend time with. My identity isn't in trying to copy those I look up to. My identity is in Christ and in who He is making me to be. I need to learn to accept that; to discover who I really am and grasp it with both hands (and both feet too, I'm an organist).

My deepest desire is for relationship. I hate being on my own and only feel "myself" when I'm with friends. That whole area has caused me so much pain and frustration over recent months, yet I was reminded this morning that our (my) relationship with God should be one of mutual trust and understanding. If anyone knows what I long for it's the guy that made me. I need to learn to hear the beat of His heart more and become lost in His presence...that's what happened for a very brief moment this evening.

Lessons in faith and love

2007-08-18T11:26:00.000+01:00

It seems like ages since I had anything to write about, then it all comes along at once! The last couple of months have been one long lesson from God, here's the highlights...

I've left music college, finally!! As much as I have enjoyed and learned alot from being there, I decided that it wasn't where God wanted me to be. The next thing is finding out where He does want me...watch this space! It has been a test of faith...I don't have a clue what is around the corner, each day I face more situations that look ridiculous and hopeless but at the same time there's still that quiet voice saying "I took you from the ends of the earth, from its farthest corners I called you. I said, 'You are my servant'; I have chosen you and have not rejected you. So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. All who rage against you will surely be ashamed and disgraced; those who oppose you will be as nothing and perish." (Isaiah 41:9-11)

I have been struggling a lot recently with various issues; relationships, esteem etc. But that same passage keeps going through my head reminding me and reassuring me that we serve a mighty, awesome, powerful, faithful God who promises to be everything that we need.

God has been teaching me about worship too, it's something I've been thinking about a lot. I see worship as being anything which enables us to bring praise and glory to the Almighty in whatever ways we are able, using the gifts we have been given. Paul writes;
"Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God's grace in its various forms. If anyone speaks, he should do it as one speaking the very words of God. If anyone serves, he should do it with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power for ever and ever. Amen." (1Peter 4:10-11)

"So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God" (1Corinthians 10:31)

Mother Theresa was once asked how she went about each day; she replied "Each morning I meditate on Jesus. I then go and look for him in disguise". This is how we should worship. We first look to Jesus, and then we look to love him among the poor and the broken. Our love for others and desire to serve has to come from our overwhelming love for Jesus. True worship means that (as the passage above mentions) in everything we do, we do it for Jesus.

Recently I've been spending a lot more time than usual at my church, and it has opened my eyes so much to the life and work that God has called me to. I never guessed that as a result of saying "yes" to God I would be cleaning up bodily fluids, taking abuse from angry residents, and all manner of exciting things. But the more time I spend here, in the community that once scared me, the more I love it. The Bible says that perfect love drives out all fear (1John 4:18), and I'm excited that God has given me an amazing love for the place and for being His hands and feet here. I don't want a passive faith, I don't want to know exactly what I'll be doing for the next few years and where I'll be and where my money will come from...I like doing it the Jesus way, it's exciting!

Fit for service?

2007-06-21T12:43:00.000+01:00

I'm having a really bizarre week (things weren't helped this morning when I put my Trinity card in the cash machine, but we'll overlook that)! I've been feeling increasingly hopeless, helpless and overwhelmed with certain situations, yet at the same time God seems to be doing so much in/through me in other areas (whilst delivering subtle messages about the hopeless ones!)

John wrote; "You yourselves can testify that I said, 'I am not the Christ but am sent ahead of him.' The bride belongs to the bridegroom. The friend who attends the bridegroom waits and listens for him, and is full of joy when he hears the bridegroom's voice. That joy is mine, and it is now complete. He must become greater; I must become less" (John 3:28-30).

How much have I seen this week that I need to stop trying to do things in my own strength?! God has promised to bring his plans and promises to fruition, and that they are good and perfect plans (Romans 12:2). This week he has also taught me about patience, and putting hope in things unseen (Romans 8:24-27) so even though I know deep down that God has got things sorted, why do I still struggle so much?! For goodness sake I asked for a miracle and God did it; whats my problem?! And, if I'm in such a mess, how is God managing to use me in different ways at the same time?

"But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me" (2Corinthians 12:9)

Last night I was challenged by the bit where Jesus challenges people on the cost of being His follower;

As they were walking along the road, a man said to him, "I will follow you wherever you go." Jesus replied, "Foxes have holes and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head." He said to another man, "Follow me." But the man replied, "Lord, first let me go and bury my father." Jesus said to him, "Let the dead bury their own dead, but you go and proclaim the kingdom of God." Still another said, "I will follow you, Lord; but first let me go back and say good-bye to my family." Jesus replied, "No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God." (Luke 9:57-62)

There were a couple of interesting things that stick out from the story.

In Jewish custom (then and now), the dead are buried immediately. So it was unlikely that the mans father was dead yet as the man would otherwise be with the body or it would already have been buried; it is likely that the man was simply trying to put off following Jesus. The word Jesus uses for "dead" can be used for the spiritually dead as well.

Jesus wouldn't let the man go back and say good-bye to his family as he knows the pressure that we can come under from family and friends that could distract us from the call of God. Sometimes people (even Christian friends with the best of intentions) can affect our priorities and cause us to stumble.

Both of those observations apply to me; procrastination is one of my biggest hinderances! I'm put to shame when I read about the calling of the first disciples (Matthew 4:18-20); Jesus called told them to join him and "at once they left their nets and followed him" (v20).

But it is the second point which is most affecting me at the moment; the challenge not to put love/friendship before the call of God. That's something I'm really struggling with at the moment (and for the last year and a bit!). "Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you by the gazelles and by the does of the field: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires" (Song of Solomon 2:7)...but what if it does "so desire"?!

Help!!

Jesus reigns!!

2007-06-18T13:37:00.000+01:00

Woah, so much has happened recently!! Its been really easy to see where both myself and my church have been under massive attack from the enemy recently. But the devil is a liar, and it makes me so excited when I look back at the last few weeks and realise that I (and the church) can say, just like Job - that whatever happens, "I know that my Redeemer lives, and that in the end he will stand upon the earth" (Job 19:25).

Then I heard a loud voice in heaven say: "Now have come the salvation and the power and the kingdom of our God, and the authority of his Christ. For the accuser of our brothers, who accuses them before our God day and night, has been hurled down. They overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony; they did not love their lives so much as to shrink from death". (Revelation 12:10-11)

I love that bit, where it says they overcame the lies of the enemy by the blood of the lamb and the word of their testimony. When we stand on the truth that is Jesus and proclaim that the enemy has no place, he flees. There's a verse in James that says "Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you".

I had been really struggling for a while with a situation I'm facing which I can see no solution to; I know God is all-powerful and that He has got everything sorted, but often I look at things and see a hopeless situation which not even God can sort. How wrong I was!! Last Monday, inspired by the verse in Philippians which urges us to present our requests to God by "prayer and petition", I decided to petition God for a miracle which would bring hope to the situation by the end of the week...not a finished article or a complete answer to the situation, just something that I would know to be from God that would set my mind at rest. I prayed for this every day during the week; part of me wanted to lose confidence as the week progressed and I didn't see any miracles on the horizon, yet part of me knew that Gods promises are promises! At the last possible minute, I had a text from a friend (unaware of the situation) with a verse that had come to her whilst she'd been praying for me...

"For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently. In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will." (Romans 8:24-27). Patience is a virtue!!

So I've been going about my business with a fresh reminder that God is in control. Other passages that have stuck out to me recently in different situations (which need not be mentioned!) have been these...

And these signs will accompany those who believe: In my name they will drive out demons; they will speak in new tongues; they will pick up snakes with their hands; and when they drink deadly poison, it will not hurt them at all; they will place their hands on sick people, and they will get well. (Mark 16:17-18)

He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. If you make the Most High your dwelling—even the LORD, who is my refuge - then no harm will befall you, no disaster will come near your tent. You will tread upon the lion and the cobra; you will trample the great lion and the serpent. (Psalm 91:1, 9-10,13)

I have this picture on my bedroom wall. It's an awesome reminder that Christ is reigning over everything. I would love to go to Rio de Janeiro one day just to see that figure of Christ looming over the city in all its splendour; the way it overlooks the office blocks, the high rise hotels, and the slums. Does Jesus reign over your entire being - the rich parts and the slums?

Picking blackberries

2007-06-11T12:14:00.001+01:00

Haven't written anything for ages!!

There was a guy speaking at church yesterday about how we should seek God in everything. He was talking about Moses; the ground was always holy but only at a set point did he realise it. Only at a set point did he realise that God was in the bush (due to the heat, burning bushes were common, Moses would have seen loads of them).

"Now Moses was tending the flock of Jethro his father-in-law, the priest of Midian, and he led the flock to the far side of the desert and came to Horeb, the mountain of God. There the angel of the LORD appeared to him in flames of fire from within a bush. Moses saw that though the bush was on fire it did not burn up. So Moses thought, "I will go over and see this strange sight—why the bush does not burn up." When the LORD saw that he had gone over to look, God called to him from within the bush, "Moses! Moses!" And Moses said, "Here I am." "Do not come any closer," God said. "Take off your sandals, for the place where you are standing is holy ground." Then he said, "I am the God of your father, the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac and the God of Jacob." At this, Moses hid his face, because he was afraid to look at God" (Moses 3:1-6)

He quoted a bit from a poem;

Earth's crammed with heaven,
And every common bush afire with God.
But only those who see take off their shoes,
The rest stand around and pick blackberries.

How much am I missing out on because I fail to see its sacred value? How many things do I write off and completely discount, without stopping to look for God in them (ie college!)

Stand firm...update

2007-05-21T19:10:00.000+01:00

Things get cooler...two days after being challenged on the whole Tube thing I was at HTB (my church) for a training thing. I had been wondering what I should be doing about the things God had laid on my heart, and how He expected me to be able to break into the world of TfL. As I was walking up the drive of the church I said out loud "God, how on earth can I do this?!". About 2 minutes later, I sat down with some food and somebody asked me what I did for a living. I told her, then asked "what about you?". "I work for London Underground" came the reply...legend. Cutting a long story short, she was really supportive of the things I was saying. Somebody else on our table was similarly challenged and so the three of us formed a "task force". The woman that works for the underground is setting us up with a meeting with the boss and we're meeting a big wig at HTB next week. Check God out!

"You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit—fruit that will last. Then the Father will give you whatever you ask in my name" (John 15:16)

I was really encouraged and excited when I saw that God was putting the right people together for the job.

"The LORD said to Aaron, "Go into the desert to meet Moses." So he met Moses at the mountain of God and kissed him. Then Moses told Aaron everything the LORD had sent him to say, and also about all the miraculous signs he had commanded him to perform. Moses and Aaron brought together all the elders of the Israelites, and Aaron told them everything the LORD had said to Moses. He also performed the signs before the people, and they believed. And when they heard that the LORD was concerned about them and had seen their misery, they bowed down and worshiped." (Exodus 4:27-31)

Stand firm in the middle

2007-05-16T10:18:00.000+01:00

Last night was bizarre. I really felt the need to get out and go into London, even though it was quite late. There were certain things I wanted to spend some time thinking about and searching for answers for, so decided to head to Regents Park (never been there before, someone suggested it) then come home via Picadilly Circus (never been there before, sounded quite interesting). It occured to me that at that time of night the park wouldn't be open, but I set out anyway. It's clear now that it was Gods idea for me to go out, not mine. I had things I wanted to know, but God had other things that He needed me to know!

I ended up getting off at Westminster (no idea why, I just felt like it at the time). I walked around there for a bit, around Houses of Parliament, then crossed over Westminster Bridge and walked along the river by the London Eye (which is huge when you stand right underneath it and look up!) up to Waterloo.

Actually, I'm getting ahead. At Westminster there was an announcement that part of the Central line was suspended due to a person under a train. God really hammered me with that...just the day before I had been stuck on a tube train because somebody had gone under another train then. I was really challenged by people's brokeness that leads them to do that. There isn't a suicide epidemic going on, so this stuff must happen every day...its just now that I've begun to notice and have a heart for it. I'm thinking TfL needs Chaplains??

When I got to Waterloo I walked under a bridge where there are always homeless people sitting/sleeping/begging. Normally I just walk past, say hi if I can, etc. But last night I really wanted to meet them where they're at, sit with them; buy some food, take it back and spend time sharing a meal with them. I think that came from Roots - the reminder that its not enough to just give token gestures of kindness. Christianity should be messy and we need to be meeting with people where they are. When I got there though I couldn't do it...so many questions rushed through my head; what would I say, would they rather be left alone to sleep, etc. I know that it was the enemy trying to stop me and on that occasion it worked and I was really cross with myself afterwards. Jews have a custom called "shiva", which is part of their mourning ritual. When somebody is bereaved, friends and family spend time (usually a week) sitting with them in their home, doing nothing. There's things that can be learnt from that...maybe not on the religious/legalistic front, but the natural desire to meet with the lost/broken where they are and join them in whatever they are going through. I heard a saying recently, that it's easier to push somebody up when you're at their level than it is to reach down and pull them up.

When I got home I was reading the book of Joshua, and was particularly challenged by chapters 3 and 4. (Too long to quote so follow the link).

"The priests who carried the ark of the covenant of the LORD stood firm on dry ground in the middle of the Jordan, while all Israel passed by until the whole nation had completed the crossing on dry ground" (ch3 v17). The passage spoke to me about the need for us to be a people willing to stand firm right in the middle of whatever is going on, until the work is done.

Secondly, "the priests came up out of the river carrying the ark of the covenant of the LORD. No sooner had they set their feet on the dry ground than the waters of the Jordan returned to their place and ran at flood stage as before" (ch4 v18). Although it is a literal description of what happened (the rest of the chapter goes on to say that God did the same there as He did to the Red Sea in order to demonstrate His power), it challenged me on a different level. We're called to stand firm in the middle of whatever happens, carrying with us the word of God and shepherding people through the valley. As soon as we set our feet on dry/safe/proud ground we're useless and the chaos rages as before.

Others

2007-05-14T19:29:00.000+01:00

The other weekend I was away at an annual Salvation Army conference (Roots). The theme for the weekend was "Others" - inspired by a telegram sent by the Army's founder, William Booth, urging the Church to be living for "the last, the lost and the least".

There was so much that challenged me over the weekend; how the term "neighbour" isn't selective; how the church should be more about joining in than joining up, and how it should be the only organisation to exist for the benefit of its non-members. Something that was spoken about a number of times was the need for us to be building quality, non-judgemental relationships within our community.

Recently I've really been struggling with my calling. I know that my call is to "the last, the lost and the least", and I'm fine with that...thats what my passion is. But I've been thinking about how much crap and politics there is within the Church today and that isn't my calling and I don't want to be remotely involved with it because it hinders the work of the gospel. And yet I'm reminded to think back to the Roots weekend...so called because it's a time to urge the Salvation Army to go back to its roots; of reaching out to the last/lost/least by any means possible and share with them the love and saving grace of God. Back in its early days, Salvationists faced massive opposition when going about their work, yet they pressed on. That must therefore also be part of my calling...regardless of whether the opposition is from outside or within the Church, to "press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me" (Philippians 3:12).

I'll write in more detail about some of the things we were challenged on once I've finished and handed in a big project I'm working on at the moment (on thursday). Until then...stay blessed...

The Cross

2007-04-04T13:59:00.000+01:00

I've just spent the last couple of days hanging out at church where there's been a 24-7 prayer thing. I spent alot of time thinking about the power of the cross. This came to a climax when I was able to have a really good discussion with someone who asked me if the cross really did look like the symbol we recognise today. I said that in some cases they were made like that (but not as neat and smooth and "pretty"), but in others just a beam was used for the hands and that was nailed to a tree. The depiction in scripture of Simon being forced to carry the cross for Jesus after he had been so badly scourged implies that He had to carry the entire structure, not just a beam.

"Oh well, I expect he had other things on his mind" said the person I was talking to. My immediate thought was 'I bet he didn't!' but after a couple of seconds not knowing what to say, it really hit me. The other things on His mind was us. When Jesus knelt in the Garden, knowing what was about to happen to Him, he prayed for us, "that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me" (John17:21)

When the soldiers were beating Him, tearing the skin and muscle from his back, He thought of us. When they drove nails through his bones and hung Him up to die, He first ensured that someone would look after His mother, then he carried on praying for us.

Last night as I was chatting with the guy that leads my church, he came up with an awesome thought...the romans re-used the crosses...what would that have meant for the murderer/robber who was the next one to use Jesus' cross?

This morning I watched a presentation which brought up the two criminals crucified beside Jesus. One prayed...Jesus loved him enough to grant him salvation. The other mocked...Jesus loved him enough to let him.

"And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God" (Eph 3:17b-19). How wide and high is the love of Christ? Roughly the dimensions of the cross.

Another thing Jonny said...the Romans saw the cross as a symbol of their power - anybody who defied them was crucified...a barbaric method of execution which was excruciating and drawn out (Jesus was on the cross for 6 hours before he died). Christ turned that around, and now the cross is a symbol of Gods power.

Amazing Grace

2007-03-28T12:45:00.000+01:00

Last night I went to see the afore-mentioned film. It was awesome, go and see it.

The character that has stuck in my mind the most isn't Wilberforce but John Newton. He was the captain of a slave ship for many years until he was dramatically converted whilst steering his vessel through a storm. Repenting and regretting the misery and death he had inflicted on the thousands of human cargo he had transported, he devoted his life to the church and wrote the lyrics to many hymns which are still popular today, including the namesake of the film, "Amazing Grace" (originally titled "Faith's review and expectation")

Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,
That sav'd a wretch like me!
I once was lost, but now am found,
Was blind, but now I see.

'Twas grace that taught my heart to fear,
And grace my fears reliev'd;
How precious did that grace appear,
The hour I first believ'd!

Thro' many dangers, toils and snare,
I have already come;
'Tis grace has brought me safe thus far,
And grace will lead me home.

The Lord has promised good to me.
His word my hope secures;
He will my shield and portion be,
As long as life endures.

Yes, when this flesh and heart shall fail,
And mortal life shall cease;
I shall profess, within the vail,
A life of joy and peace.

The earth shall soon dissolve like snow,
The sun forbear to shine;
But God, who call'd me here below,
Will be for ever mine.

I was challenged especially by a really good quote from John Newton in the film. When Wilberforce asked him for his memories of the slave ships so he could describe the attrocities in parliament, Newton said that he couldn't bring to mind anything that happened because it caused him so much pain. "Although my memory is fading" he said, "I remember two things very clearly. I am a great sinner and Christ is a great saviour". I'm a man so I don't cry in films. But if anything had the potential to make me cry it was the reaction in the audience to that remark. People need to hear that more often.

Runner-up for quote of the year award goes to Wilberforce, shortly after his conversion. Shocked by his sudden change in outlook, somobody asks him "you found God?" "Actually" he replies, "I think God found me"

The bronze medal is awarded to the preacher who visits Wilberforce and says "We hear you are having problems choosing whether to do the work of God or the work of a political activist. We humbly suggest that you can do both"

"The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me, because the LORD has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners" (Isaiah 61:1)

"It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery." (Galatians 5:1)

"But as for me, I am filled with power, with the Spirit of the LORD, and with justice and might, to declare to Jacob his transgression, to Israel his sin... He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God." (Micah 3:8, 6:8).

Only once Wilberforce was converted did he fight with such conviction to see the slave trade abolished. Yet still there is slavery. Still there is injustice - arguably more now than there was in Wilberforces day. Are we acting justly by ignoring blatant acts of injustice?

Family

2007-03-19T11:33:00.000Z

I spent most of the weekend at a conference about family life. Don't ask why, I don't know. I was asking the same question myself before it started..."why am I going to a weekend about family...I'm not bringing one up, and probably won't, so what's this about?!"

The guy that was leading it started the Friday night session by reading a bit from the Psalms, where it says "A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling. God sets the lonely in families, he leads forth the prisoners with singing; but the rebellious live in a sun-scorched land" (Psalm68:5-6). It occured to me then that when I have been lonely, God has set me in a family - namely the church. And when I have felt imprisoned, He has led me forth with singing. So in that sense, looking at the church as my family, it seemed like a good plan.

But he made it clear that he was talking about family as in family, the value of the traditional husband/wife/children model that scripture encourages. He said that the reason we see these traditional values being rejected by society is that the enemy knows that God works and reveals things through family (ie the things family teaches us about communication, protection, putting others first, etc). "When the foundations are being destroyed, what can the righteous do?" (Psalm11:3)

Then he went on to talk about the fact that the way we treat our families and those close to us is the evidence of our love for God, not our outward appearances at church etc. "If anyone says, "I love God," yet hates his brother, he is a liar. For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen. And he has given us this command: Whoever loves God must also love his brother." (1John4:20-21)

It was really interesting and useful when he went into the differences between men and women, and what women need in a partnership (ie marriage). It's an area that I've been really preoccupied with recently (potential family rather than existing family!!).

The end of the weekend was brilliant. The guy finished his talk and was leaving the stage when he changed his mind. "Actually, come back, I'm feeling the need to preach!!". He turned to the story of Abraham and Isaac. To paraphrase, Abraham had the knife and was about to sacrifice his son Isaac for God but God told him to stop, and not to lay a hand on the boy because He saw that Abraham was prepared to put God first...

"Do not lay a hand on the boy," he said. "Do not do anything to him. Now I know that you fear God, because you have not withheld from me your son, your only son." Abraham looked up and there in a thicket he saw a ram caught by its horns. He went over and took the ram and sacrificed it as a burnt offering instead of his son. So Abraham called that place The LORD Will Provide. And to this day it is said, "On the mountain of the LORD it will be provided." The angel of the LORD called to Abraham from heaven a second time and said, "I swear by myself, declares the LORD, that because you have done this and have not withheld your son, your only son, I will surely bless you and make your descendants as numerous as the stars in the sky and as the sand on the seashore. Your descendants will take possession of the cities of their enemies, and through your offspring all nations on earth will be blessed, because you have obeyed me."

Basically, when we do what is right, put God first, he promises ("I swear by myself, declares the Lord") to raise up our families. Legend.

Thirsty?

2007-03-12T12:07:00.000Z

Woah, its nearly a month since I wrote anything on here...is that good or bad?! I've been stupidly busy, thats my excuse.

Just had a really good weekend. I was preaching at church yesterday, that was fun. Also last week I went with some mates from church (everyone who's anyone basically) to see Tom Wright (Bishop of Durham) speak about social justice. He was speaking about the need to implement the kingdom as Jesus did. He mentioned the prophecy in Ezekiel 47 of the river that flows from the temple; how as it flows down into the valley it gets deeper and wider and brings life wherever it goes. Eventually it flows right down into the Arabah, down to the Dead Sea where there is absolutely no life, and makes it fresh and swarming with life.

"When it empties into the [Dead] Sea, the water there becomes fresh. Swarms of living creatures will live wherever the river flows. There will be large numbers of fish, because this water flows there and makes the salt water fresh; so where the river flows everything will live." (Ezekiel 47:8b-9)

He went on to say that Jesus implemented/embodied that in John 7 when he said "If anyone is thirsty, let him come to me and drink. Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has said, streams of living water will flow from within him" (Jn7:37-38)

When I have read that passage in the past, I read this..."whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has said, streams of living water will flow within him". Which is true, don't get me wrong. But, as "the bish" pointed out, the key word in that passage that everybody misses is "from". Lets look back at the original prophecy in Ezekiel...

"Fruit trees of all kinds will grow on both banks of the river. Their leaves will not wither, nor will their fruit fail. Every month they will bear, because the water from the sanctuary flows to them. Their fruit will serve for food and their leaves for healing." (Ezekiel 47:12). Where does that sustaining, healing water flow from to bring life in the driest, deadest places? God...via us.

That aside, I feel there is something I need to rant about...the tube. What is the point of that stupid announcement you always hear..."there is a good service operating on all London Underground lines except those with planned engineering works"...in other words, there is a good service operating on all lines except those that don't have a good service operating. Do they ever tell you which lines have "planned engineering works"? Of course not!

Community

2007-02-17T13:36:00.000Z

In a recent post I mentioned how God had been challenging me in the whole area of intercession. Recently this has been mentioned at church too, as 6 people have been killed in our area in the last 2 weeks. Last night I bought a couple of newspapers and was reading through them. They were full of stories of gang violence, drug-fuelled crime, stories of how easy it is to get hold of weapons, and massive bitterness towards the killers.

Three of the six people killed recently have been teenagers. According to the papers I read last night, four people have been arrested in connection with the shooting of one of the victims (aged 15). Of those, the oldest was my age; the youngest, just 15.

In Southwark and Lambeth alone last year, there were 909 crimes "aided by firearms" - more than many major US cities.

I've been really challenged by recent events. Children killing eachother, gunmen shooting men in their sleep, gangs ruling the streets and estates with a reign of terror...thats not what God meant when he said "For I the Lord love justice" (Isaiah 61:8). I often feel uncomfortable when I leave church late at night and walk through Elephant and Castle...it's the subject of lots of jokes and I get stick for it...but I don't live there, I don't spend as much time in fear as other people have to.

We need to be praying that people don't live in constant fear in their own communities. "For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline" (2Timothy 1:7)

We need to be praying that gang culture would cease, that the glamour of guns would be removed, that those involved would realise that it is wrong.

Tucked right away on page 20 of the newspaper was a story of a gangster who had become a Christian and was now trying to reach other gang members with his story. Pray for breakthrough, that people living in darkness would see the light. "The people walking in darkness have seen a great light; on those living in the land of the shadow of death a light has dawned" (Isaiah 9:2)

Pray for peace for the families bereaved of loved ones - their children.

Pray for safety on the streets of this community. And end to violence and murder, an end to drugs, gangs, turf wars, etc. "I will give you every place where you set your foot" (Joshua 1:3) - claim this ground for the Lord. "They will rebuild the ancient ruins and restore the places long devastated; they will renew the ruined cities that have been devastated for generations" (Isaiah 61:4)

These are big prayers. Huge prayers. But Jesus assures us that "if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you" (Matthew 17:20)

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen (Ephesians 3:20-21)

Bits and bobs

2007-02-06T14:44:00.000Z

Another random post about everything and nothing, apologies. I've been reading Philip Yancey's "What's so amazing about grace?" which is giving me so much food for thought, so expect an epic post about grace in the near future. But in the mean time, I thought I'd share an awesome story.

Last week I got an email saying that the daughter of Salvation Army officers in Ecuador had been kidnapped. When I was praying about that I was reminded of the dry bones passage in Ezekiel 37. The bit that sticks out to me from that passage is that God placed Ezekiel in the valley, in the time of testing, and then told him to prophecy into that situation. Yes, God is all-powerful etc, but there is a need for us to speak into our situations. By applying that to what I'd heard about this family in Ecuador I was reminded of the need to be intercessors. Too often I hear about peoples situations and just pass them off with a quick "it's fine, God will sort it". But we need to be more involved than that, to pray powerfully and specifically. Sometimes we don't know what to pray, but God will give us a prayer.

"We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will" (Romans 8:26-27)

God put it on my heart to pray for her parents - Salvation Army officers, faithful servants, a job close to my heart! I prayed that their faith would remain strong, that the work of the enemy would not prevail, and that they would be prophecying into that situation as Ezekiel did. Yesterday, I got another email saying that the girl had been returned to her parents and was now safe. Praise God!

If anyone does attack you, it will not be my doing; whoever attacks you will surrender to you. "See, it is I who created the blacksmith who fans the coals into flame and forges a weapon fit for its work. And it is I who have created the destroyer to work havoc; no weapon forged against you will prevail, and you will refute every tongue that accuses you. This is the heritage of the servants of the LORD, and this is their vindication from me," declares the LORD. (Isaiah 54:15-17)

This evening I've got an organ lesson with my new teacher...it should be good, I'm looking forward to it. And prophecying into it...

2007-01-25T16:29:00.000Z

I just came across these words of St. Francis of Assisi...
"Preach the gospel with all of your life and, if necessary, with words."

Awesome!

Random musings!

2007-01-25T15:45:00.000Z

Its been ages since I've had any inspiration to write anything on here, things have been so stressful! I'm going through another "why am I here" phase, so apologies to anyone who gets in the way at the wrong time!

This morning after CU I went for coffee with a friend, and was discussing with her what I should do. We both agreed that God definately intended me to be here at Trinity in the first place. So, she said, I should stay here until He tells me otherwise. Even if that sometimes isn't comfortable. I said what if these contant trials were God saying it was time to move on...she said that when God calls us to do something else He gives us peace in that decision - and I have everything but peace at the moment! She reminded me of the Israelites in the old testament - God had a long term destination for them but while he was taking them there he often told them to stop and wait in one place for a while until it was time for them to move on to the next stage.

May the Lord answer you when you are in distress; may the name of the God of Jacob protect you. May he send you help from the sanctuary and grant you support from Zion. May he remember all your sacrifices and accept your burnt offerings. May he give you the desire of your heart and make all your plans succeed. We will shout for joy when you are victorious and will lift up our banners in the name of our God. May the Lord grant all your requests. Now I know that the Lord saves his anointed; he answers him from his holy heaven with the saving power of his right hand. Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the Lord our God. They are brought to their knees and fall, but we rise up and stand firm. Psalm 20

Look at the nations and watch—and be utterly amazed. For I am going to do something in your days that you would not believe, even if you were told Habakkuk1:5

For the revelation awaits an appointed time; it speaks of the end and will not prove false. Though it linger, wait for it; it will certainly come and will not delay Habakkuk 2:3

The Sovereign Lord is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to go on the heights Habakkuk 3:19

(Three guesses which bit of the Bible I read last night!)

This morning I was reading a book called "What a wonderful world - an anthology of joy" in the hope that it might inspire me. It did, a few different things stuck out when I came accross them...mainly this poem by an unknown 19th century soldier...

I asked God for strength that I might achieve;

I was made weak that I might learn humbly to obey.

I asked for help that I might do greater things;

I was given infirmity that I might do better things.

I asked for riches that I might be happy;

I was given poverty that I might be wise.

I asked for power that I might have the praise of others;

I was given weakness that I might feel the need of God.

I asked for all things that I might enjoy life;

I was given life that I might enjoy all things.

I got nothing that I asked for - but everything I'd hoped for.

My unspoken prayers were answered.

I am among all men most richly blessed!

Running

2007-01-16T14:00:00.000Z

I went running last night, hope you're all impressed! I've been saying for ages that I need to lose weight and get fit but did nothing about it. I eventually bit the bullet and dug out the stuff I had from the RAF...its a regime with stuff to do each day over the next 6 weeks...so come then I'll be irresistably toned and ready for action. I started this thing yesterday, and had to do a 2mile run (that was easy, I worked out a good route that goes in a circle...just when you start to get tired you pass through a dodgy estate so are inspired to keep running) in my best time, then count how many press-ups, sit-ups, tricep dips, step-ups and dorsal raises I could do in a minute. Once I got started I actually quite enjoyed it...cos I know that if I keep up with it I'll lose weight and get in better shape.

While I was out running I was thinking about how scripture likens our faith to running a race (and about the sermon Jonny did about it!)...

"For physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come" (1Timothy 4:8)

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart" (Hebrews 12:1-3)

I was surprised by how easy I found the run last night, but there are things which could have held me back;

Lack of faith - doubt, thinking it would be hard
Lack of training/preparation
Not eating properly beforehand/not having the right equipment, ie trainers, fleece

The same things, although not sins in themselves, can hold us back from running the "spiritual race";

Lack of faith

Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him. (Hebrews 11:1,6)

Lack of excercise

What good is it, my brothers, if a man claims to have faith but has no deeds? Can such faith save him? Suppose a brother or sister is without clothes and daily food. If one of you says to him, "Go, I wish you well; keep warm and well fed," but does nothing about his physical needs, what good is it? In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead. But someone will say, "You have faith; I have deeds." Show me your faith without deeds, and I will show you my faith by what I do. (James 2:14-18)

Wrong diet - what do we feed our minds with?

Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. (Philippians 4:8)

"He is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does"

2007-01-10T12:29:00.000Z

No, that's not what my school reports used to say!

I'm back in business! Was really busy over Christmas, here there and everywhere...but I'm back in London now, really glad to be back. And I'm not a teenager anymore, I've reached 20, the height of decadence and maturity.

So much has been going on recently which I could blog about but following complaints of boredom from Wes I won't write about it all. But basically I've been really worried and stressed about so many things...big things, small things, important things, boring things, skinny things, everything. It came to a head last weekend when I was ridiculously frustrated with everything. Jenny reminded me of God saying "I will never leave or forsake you", but I dismissed it there and then as lies...God clearly had left me!! But that afternoon when I got home from church I shut myself in my room for the afternoon and worked through everything that was on my mind. I looked at the context of the verse that she had reminded me of...

"Moses my servant is dead. Now then, you and all these people, get ready to cross the Jordan River into the land I am about to give to them—to the Israelites. I will give you every place where you set your foot, as I promised Moses. Your territory will extend from the desert to Lebanon, and from the great river, the Euphrates—all the Hittite country—to the Great Sea on the west. No one will be able to stand up against you all the days of your life. As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you." (Joshua 1:2-5)

Point number one...God hadn't set aside the land for the Israelites yet - he was about to do it. So it is pointless me being worried about things I can't see happening...I need to step out in faith and trust that when I do, God will "give me every place where I set my foot"

Point number two..."As I was with Moses, so I will be with you" - I'm hardly the first person to be anxious about situations, God has directed and provided for countless people before me - and will do the same for countless people after me!

Another thing - last year I spent all my time asking God for signs or revelation. They didn't come...actually I think they did, I just didn't have the guts to take them so kept asking for more, like Gideon.

"If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does." (James 1:5-8)

I made it one of my new years resolutions to not be hesitant. I always complained that God wasn't telling me what to do...of course he was, I just wasn't listening. For months the same pattern would arise day in, day out whenever I spoke to Jenny..."What can I pray for for you?" "Revelation". Now, it's "what can I pray for for you?" "Faith and guts"...this is going to be a year of stepping out in faith, so watch out!

Mary did you know

2006-12-25T21:35:00.000Z

I haven't been online for ages!! Haven't had time to do anything, I was away for a bit then busy for a week now I'm away again. There's so much I want to blog about but it'll all have to wait for now...except this!

At church yesterday, the response was based around a song called "Mary did you know". I'd never heard it before, it's so powerful! Words below...

Mary did you know that your baby boy would some day walk on water?
Mary did you know that your baby boy would save our sons and daughters?
Did you know that your baby boy has come to make you new?
This child that you've delivered will soon deliver you.

Mary did you know that your baby boy would give sight to a blind man?
Mary did you know that your baby boy would calm a storm with his hand?
Did you know that your baby boy has walked where angels trod?
And when you kiss your little baby, you have kissed the face of God.

Oh Mary did you know--

The blind will see, the deaf will hear, the dead will live again.
The lame will leap, the dumb will speak, the praises of the lamb--.

Mary did you know that your baby boy is Lord of all creation?
Mary did you know that your baby boy would one day rule the nations?
Did you know that your baby boy is heaven's perfect Lamb?
This sleeping child you're holding is the great I AM

More posts to follow when I have time!

I'll fight...

2006-12-07T14:50:00.000Z

I know that as soon as I post this I'll have floods of emails telling me I have better things to be doing with my time, but I couldn't care less.

I've been really challenged recently by the words of William Booths last speech, which he gave at the Albert Hall in 1912. I had a rehearsal earlier for a gig tomorrow, just to prove that I do do some work, but I made this poster when I got back because I've been thinking alot recently about how the problems that Booth knew are much the same now. Thus the words he spoke then are just as relevant and inspiring now. (Note the prophetic "darkness to light" thing going on in the background, very technical!) But lets not forget also that the God that Booth saw working, transforming lives, is the same yesterday, today and forever (Hebrews 13:8).

Random

2006-12-06T16:20:00.000Z

I had another candidates interview on monday. It went really well, once again the people were all really encouraged and encouraging. I'm so glad that all the people involved thus far have been really nice. And Jonny (the minister from my church, such a legend) was there too so at least I knew someone. There was a scaryish woman in the interview on monday, but I wasn't going to let her put me off and one of my personal highlights of the interview was when she said that she'd like to share with me some scripture from "somewhere in 1John, if I can find it". As she thumbed through the pages in her bible, I leaned over and said "it's near the back"...

We know that we have come to know him if we obey his commands. The man who says, "I know him," but does not do what he commands is a liar, and the truth is not in him. But if anyone obeys his word, God's love is truly made complete in him. This is how we know we are in him: Whoever claims to live in him must walk as Jesus did. 1John 2:3-6

She mentioned how we are used to work and minister wherever God places us...and that, for me at the moment, is here at Trinity - whether I like it or not, that's where God has "commanded" me to be for the next couple of years, even if I would prefer to enter training tomorrow!

Messiah!

2006-12-05T17:05:00.000Z

Last weekend I did a gig with an orchestra I play with (rumour has it that this orchestra has the best horn section for miles around). We were doing Mozarts arrangement of the Messiah...I didn't know he did an arrangement of it but we performed it so clearly he did. It didn't seem that different from Handel's version (the original), and certainly not an improvement!

One of my favourite bits of the Messiah is the chorus "For unto us a child is born". It is one of the bits that makes my "stay awake" list. The words in that chorus are lifted straight from Isaiah...

For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful, Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. Of the increase of his government and peace there will be no end. He will reign on David's throne and over his kingdom, establishing and upholding it with justice and righteousness from that time on and forever. The zeal of the LORD Almighty will accomplish this. (Isaiah 9:6-7)

Note the words "will accomplish this"...because during the time of Isaiah, when this was written, it was nothing more than a prophecy...yet still the people had a strong conviction that such a child would come..."the zeal of the Lord Almighty will accomplish this" Now though, we are living in the knowledge that the aforementioned prophecy was fulfilled, and in the knowledge of the glory that followed. And right from the outset we see a real surge in spiritual energy...the moment the birth of Jesus was foretold along with the pregnancy of Marys sister Elizabeth, we're told that Elizabeth "was filled with the holy spirit" (Luke 1:41) and that Zechariah (her husband) was "filled with the Holy Spirit and prophesied" (v67). Surely something should stir us up in a similar way when we think of the way the prophecy of Jesus was fulfilled. It drove Handel to write The Messiah and, as I learnt at the weekend, it drove Mozart to copy it! And if it doesn't drive us further into worship, wonder and awe then what will?!

I'm really excited when I read that we are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light. Once you were not a people, but now you are the people of God; once you had not received mercy, but now you have received mercy. (1Peter 2:9-10).

It's great to think of the things that have been set aside for us to do, the blessings that are ours to receive, etc...but Christmas is where it all starts. I'm guilty, as I've mentioned in the past, of taking things for granted. There are stories I hear so many times that I switch off, I think I know them, and this is one of them. There comes a point when the Christmas story becomes a mere tradition. We've all heard it many times, it comes round every year. But as with every other passage, each time I go back and look at it again I get something new from it. Don't lets take Christmas for granted this year, let it be different, where we don't get caught up in the madness and hype without taking time to think...of the prophecy that was fulfilled - yes the government were on His shoulders but they couldn't hold Him down, and He was indeed a Mighty God...and of all the glorious things that have happened since Jesus came along.

Don't make me angry!

2006-11-27T13:35:00.000Z

It seems ages since I've put anything on here! Last night when I was praying I was reminded of the following verse...

Ephesians 4:26..."In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry"

It started me thinkig...Anger isn't necessarily a bad thing, it is right to have emotions. A friend of mine, when we pray, often asks God to stir us up and lay on our hearts the things that are on His. That could mean giving us a heart for the lost/broken, a touch for the untouchable, or anger at injustice and suffering. Anger itself isn't a sin - only how we deal with it.

As for you, you were dead in your transgressions and sins, in which you used to live when you followed the ways of this world and of the ruler of the kingdom of the air, the spirit who is now at work in those who are disobedient. All of us also lived among them at one time, gratifying the cravings of our sinful nature and following its desires and thoughts. Like the rest, we were by nature objects of wrath. But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved. And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus. For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. (Ephesians 2:1-10)

Something I've been struggling with recently has been the concept of the fulness of Gods grace and redemption...that when He forgives He means it, and that when He heals it's no bodge job. I know I've been forgiven for things I've done and that I don't hold anything against people who have hurt me - yet sometimes I still feel a guilt for my wrongdoings and anger at things I have suffered. I shouldn't, because Gods forgiveness and healing is infinite. But problems come when that anger leads to sin - particularly bitterness - towards myself or others.

I know these "attacks" of anger are the work of the enemy, and so does Paul - he goes on to say "do not give the devil a foothold" (v27). Nicky Gumbel recently quoted in a sermon..."do not give the devil a foothold because a foothold leads to a stronghold, which leads to a stranglehold"

The "in your anger do not sin" bit in Ephesians 4 is quoted from Psalm 4:4..."In your anger do not sin; when you are on your beds, search your heart and be silent" - so I do! David, when writing this Psalm, had his head screwed on...he knew that a good time to be still, sort his life out and get straight with God was when he went to bed. When I go to bed everything that has happened during the day, everything that's due to happen the next day...its all forgotten, leaving the perfect time to clear my mind of everything and spend some quality time with God to put things right and ensure that I don't let the sun go down while I'm still angry.

Awesome!

2006-11-20T14:31:00.000Z

I found this film on the internet recently, it's amazing, click here to watch it now! Make sure you have the sound on, there's a few seconds of nothing at the beginning but be patient!
(Some people have said that the above link doesn't work. If that's the case, click here to go to the website I got it from and watch it there)

I don't know if you've ever tried going on for 6 minutes non-stop about the character of God - good luck with it, I can't get close! It's impossible to put the wonder, glory, power and beauty of God into words but Rev. S.M.Lockridge had a good go in this clip and it left me speechless.

I've been amazed recently...each sunday evening I come back from church with a friend and we sit and watch Planet Earth on BBC1. Each week I'm left in awe, able to think of nothing except the God who made it all..every plant, creature, mountain, glacier, desert, waterfall, sunset, snowscape..."and God saw that it was good" (Genesis 1)

2006-11-20T11:57:00.000Z

An English schoolteacher was in Switzerland looking for a room to rent for when she would begin her teaching there the following autumn. She asked the schoolmaster if he could recommed any. He took her to see several rooms, and when everything was settled she returned home to make final preparations for the move. When she arrived home, the thought suddenly occured to her that she had not seen a Water Closet (toilet) around the place. She immediately wrote a note to the schoolmaster asking him if there was a "W.C." near the room. The schoolmaster was a poor master of english so he asked the parish priest about the meaning of the letters "W.C." and the only solution they could come up with for the letters was "Wayside Chapel". The schoolmaster then wrote thefollowing note to the English lady seeking a "W.C." with her room.

Dear Madam,

I take great comfort in informing you that a "W.C." is situated nine miles from the house in the corner of a beautiful grove of pine trees, surroundedby lovely grounds. It is capable of holding 229 people, and is open on Sundays and Thursdays only. As there are a great many people expected during the summer months, I would suggest that you come early, although there is usually plenty of standing room. This is an unfortunate situation, particularly if you are in the habit of going regularly. You will no doubt be glad to hear that a good many bring their lunch and make a day of it, while others, who can't afford to go by car, arrive just in time. I would especially advise your ladyship to go on Thursdays when there is an organ accompanist. The acoustics are excellent and even the most delicate sounds can be heard everywhere.

It may interest you to know that my daughter was married in the"W.C." and it was there that she met her husband. I can remember the rush there was for seats. There were ten people to a seat usually reserved for one, and it was wonderful to see the expression on their faces. The newest attraction is a bell, donated by a wealthy resident of the district, which rings every time a person enters. A bazaar is to be held to raise money for plush seats for all, since the people believe it is a long-felt want.

My wife is rather delicate so she can't go regularly: it is almost a year since she went last. Naturally it pains her not to be able to go more often. I shall be delighted to reserve the best seat for you, if you wish, where you will be seen by all. For the children there is a special time so that they will not disturb the elders.

Hoping to have been of some service to you, I remain,
Sincerely,
The Schoolmaster

Random thoughts again

2006-11-16T17:07:00.000Z

Just had CU at college, it was really good. I haven't been able to go for ages because it clashed with a quintet rehearsal each week but that has all just changed so now I can go. We spent the hour in prayer, using the "one hour prayer clock"

(Technical probs, I don't get what is going on but you can see it if you click on the white box on the left!)

Jenny, who was leading, mentioned a bit in 2Chronicles 12:20 where the people said to God "We do not know what to do, but our eyes are upon you"...how awesome is that?! I'm so glad that I heard that verse today, we can apply it to so much. I never know what I'm doing with my life...be it why I'm at music college, when/how I'll be able to go back to Estonia, how I'm meant to afford to eat/pay rent/pay bills etc. I don't know what is going on relationships-wise, what I should be doing in different situations, etc..."but our eyes are upon you"...thats the important bit!

Also during the session we spent some time reading and meditating over passages of scripture by ourselves. I was chewing over 1Chronicles 16:7-36 (too much to quote here so follow the hyperlink, it's awesome!) one verse at a time. A couple of bits stuck out even more than the rest once I asked God to speak to me through the passage...verses 11, 12, 15, 19-22...

Look to the LORD and his strength; seek his face always. Remember the wonders he has done, his miracles, and the judgments he pronounced. He remembers his covenant forever, the word he commanded, for a thousand generations. When the people of Israel were but few in number, few indeed, and strangers in the land of Canaan, they wandered from nation to nation, from one kingdom to another. He allowed no man to oppress them; for their sake he rebuked kings: "Do not touch my anointed ones; do my prophets no harm."

Isaiah 54:16-17..."I have created the blacksmith who fans the coals beneath the forge and makes the weapons of destruction. And I have created the armies that destroy. But in that coming day no weapon turned against you will succeed. You will silence every voice raised up to accuse you. These benefits are enjoyed by the servants of the Lord; their vindication will come from me. I, the Lord, have spoken!"

Terrorism

2006-11-15T11:28:00.000Z

Last weekend I took part in a remembrance service. Forgive me if I've got the wrong approach to this, but as much as I know and respect that remembrance day is a time to reflect on the sacrifice of those killed in war, in the entire ceremony there wasn't one mention of the "enemy", the perpetrators, the people who killed the people we were giving thanks for...and that surprised me. The events of the weekend did get me thinking though, about the fact that its not just about World War I any more, as we speak our military is involved in a war on many fronts, in many countries, and there are deaths each day. War is no longer confined to soldiers fighting a battle of attrition on the battlefield. It affects everyone, innocent and helpless people too. I was thinking alot about the prominent place of terrorism in society today, the ever-present fear of this current style of "war".

Each month I get sent a magazine for christian youthworkers. In a recent issue, it said "terrorism has become such an emotive issue that its vital we avoid media distortions and understand it properly. That includes both knowing why people are doing these things and what is a biblical attitude to it all".

On 1st June 2001, Sa'id al-Houtari blew himself up at an Israeli nightclub, killing 21 people (mostly teenagers) and injuring 83 more. It was described as "one of the most murderous acts of terrorism perpetrated in the course of the current Israeli-Palestinian conflict. In his will, he said...

The real heroes are those who write the history of their nation with their blood, who build with their own bodies the glory and pride which reaches heaven, and who with their skulls build impregnable fortresses.

I hereby defiantly say to the world that bears a grudge against our people, that supports the Zionists with money and weapons, what was written before me in the blood of martyr Abdallah Azam: "If preparation for a jihad is terrorism, then we are terrorists. If defending our honour is extremism then we are extremists. If a jihad against our enemies is fundamentalism, then we are fundamentalists."

Although I believe both al-Houtari's motives and actions were wrong, part of me admires (up to a certain point) those who die for their beliefs. Certainly it is wrong to kill, regardless of the injustice you feel, but to what extent would we be prepared to defend our faith to? I learn alot from Paul, and the fact that through immense suffering he was joyful in the knowledge of the love of Jesus. "For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain" (Philippians 1:21)

On a completely different line of thought, the bit where he speaks about being terrorists or extremists or fundamentalists depending on what people wanted them to be...reminded me of Paul writing to the Corinthians, saying "To those not having the law I became like one not having the law (though I am not free from God's law but am under Christ's law), so as to win those not having the law. To the weak I became weak, to win the weak. I have become all things to all men so that by all possible means I might save some. I do all this for the sake of the gospel, that I may share in its blessings"

I think we can learn alot about how to react to hostility from Paul. In Romans 12:9-21 he speaks about how we should love and pray for the perpetrators of such acts. Verses 19-21 say that its not our place to judge or avenge people, but that God will do it. I was thinking about that alot recently with the whole Saddam Hussein thing. Romans 14:12-13 says "So then, each of us will give an account of himself to God. Therefore let us stop passing judgment on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in your brother's way." Verse 21 of the previous passage tells us to "overcome evil with good"

The youthwork magazine goes on to say "Fear is a natural response to terrorism, but God doesn't intend us to live frightened, miserable lives". This reminded me of part of the remembrance service where the vicar read something called the act of commitment. Somewhere in there were the words "Merciful God, we offer to you the fears in us that have not yet been cast out by love" Thats it!! Love destroys fear!! Problem solved...terrorists play in the realm of fear; often great damage can be done to morale, business, tourism etc purely by people being scared. If we learn to love the perpetrators, that love will cast out all fear.

As I said at the beginning, I think we should remember (and pray for) not just the victims of war/terrorism, but also for the wider circle of people involved;

the victims and those who have suffered terrible losses
the terrorists, for the twisted priorities that lead them to orchestrate the whole thing
the recruiters, those who are being drawn into violence. It was in the media recently that terrorists are being recruited from our schools
the authorities (Police, military etc) that have to deal with it
politicians, the UN
the Church
public
media
ourselves - that God will bring His peace to everyone as we live for His kingdom in a troubled and dangerous world.

Sorry for yet another rant!

Instinct

2006-11-14T17:11:00.000Z

It seems ages since I've written anything on here, my mind is all over the place at the moment so another rambling post I'm afraid!

Instinct is a bizarre thing. I was thinking earlier about what is meant by "instinct"...when you have a feeling deep down that you know something. The dictionary describes it as "a natural or innate impulse, inclination, or tendency". And as I started to see where God fits into that equation, I came up with the issue (once again!) of faith. Paul describes faith as a gift (1Cor 12:9), and says that that faith is available for all of us (verse 6), we just need to grasp it.

Hebrews 1:1 - "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see"

When I got back from Estonia I wrote a post on here where I said that I wasn't sure what was going on, whether that was something God wanted me to be doing or not. Well it's been on my heart so much ever since, but I thought that it would be wrong to come home from a weekend there with a group of people and say that God wanted me to serve Him there...because in two weeks time I could go somewhere that was just as good and where there was just as much need, and say that God wanted me there instead. So I'm aiming to go back on my own and spend a little longer there to see things as they really are and allow God to speak to me through it.

I've been in contact with people there who have been really supportive of the idea, so I started looking at logistics and came to the first hurdle...finances. I have no doubt that this is something that God wants me to do. And we're promised that "the Father will give you whatever you ask in my name" (John 15:16). So in faith, I've been approaching the whole issue, in full assurance of the fact that if we go all out to follow Gods plans, we can't go wrong!

"I know your deeds. See, I have placed before you an open door that no one can shut. I know that you have little strength, yet you have kept my word and have not denied my name" (Revelation 3:8). If God has opened the door for me to return to Estonia, then nothing can shut that door, He will provide the finances, logistics, time etc. At the weekend somebody gave me the idea of putting on a horn recital to do some fundraising. I thought it sounded like a good idea, but wasn't sure how my horn teacher would react when I told him. I raised it in my lesson this morning (in faith!) and he was really supportive of the whole idea, so I'm working on it now.

The whole recital idea is risky though, with no way of telling how many people will turn up or how much money will be raised. So I thought I'd try (again!) to get a job over Christmas to raise the flight money, and if I manage to arrange a recital then any money raised by that would go to support the work of The Salvation Army in Estonia. Pray for me, I need a job!

I really hope that I am able to raise the money to return to Estonia, but I couldn't see my teacher taking to the idea of me putting on a recital. But just as it says in Hebrews, by faith I have become sure of what I hope for, and have become certain of the plans I originally thought were unrealistic. In fact, not only have I become sure and certain of the fact that God is going to allow me to return there, I am incredibly joyful (and excited!) in that knowledge! 1 Peter 1:8 - "Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy"

Matthew 19:26 - "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible"

From BBC website - "Saddam calls for reconciliation"

2006-11-07T14:17:00.000Z

Quotes from the website...the full article can be found at http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/middle_east/6123526.stm

Thoughts on the article to follow once I've chewed it over!

Saddam Hussein has urged Iraqis to seek reconciliation, two days after being sentenced to death by hanging for crimes against humanity. "I call on all Iraqis, Arabs and Kurds, to forgive, reconcile and shake hands," the former president told the court in a separate trial for genocide.

More than 180,000 people are alleged to have died in the Anfal campaign.

Saddam Hussein was subdued in court on Tuesday, in contrast to his defiance on Sunday as his death sentence was read out.

Speaking to the court in the afternoon session, Saddam Hussein cited references to the Prophet Muhammad and Jesus who had asked for forgiveness for those who had opposed them.

Mark 16:15-17... He said to them, "Go into all the world and preach the good news to all creation. Whoever believes and is baptized will be saved, but whoever does not believe will be condemned. And these signs will accompany those who believe: In my name they will drive out demons; they will speak in new tongues"

Acts 2:21..."And everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved"

A special-needs teacher by mistake?

2006-11-07T13:17:00.000Z

It feels like ages since I wrote anything on here. I'm on a bit of a guilt trip at the moment - someone came into college this morning to do a talk about the different fields of music in education. I only went because I agreed last night in the pub to keep a friend company...and because they were putting on a free lunch afterwards.

To cut a long story short, I ended up being questionned by the woman giving the talk about my plans for career development, how much teaching I was doing at the moment, how I would use her agency etc. I had a plateful of free food so didn't think it would be appropriate to tell the truth and say I had no plans to work in music...I made something up on the spur of the moment about wanting to work with people with special needs (not entirely fictional, I had considered it at one stage). She seemed interested by that, and signed me up to go on a course in the new year with the National Disability Arts Forum. That wasn't meant to happen!

On a completely different subject, I'm going through a bit of an Ezekiel phase at the moment. It's so good! Last night I was reading chapters 2 and 3. There's too much to quote here (so follow the hyperlink), but it's rich in prophecy about our mission to spread the word to people. Chapter 2 tells us not to be worried by people's stubborn response to our message...

The people to whom I am sending you are obstinate and stubborn. Say to them, 'This is what the Sovereign Lord says.' And whether they listen or fail to listen—for they are a rebellious house—they will know that a prophet has been among them. And you, son of man, do not be afraid of them or their words. Do not be afraid, though briers and thorns are all around you and you live among scorpions. Do not be afraid of what they say or terrified by them, though they are a rebellious house. You must speak my words to them, whether they listen or fail to listen, for they are rebellious. But you, son of man, listen to what I say to you. Do not rebel like that rebellious house; open your mouth and eat what I give you.

Chapter 3 is awesome, we're told that we will be accountable for the blood of those we do not tell. It's a hard hitting chapter, I don't need to elaborate on any of it - I came across it last night and knew I had to share it. Our time here is not about making sure we're good enough to get a place in heaven, it doesn't work like that.

When I say to a wicked man, 'You will surely die,' and you do not warn him or speak out to dissuade him from his evil ways in order to save his life, that wicked man will die in his sin, and I will hold you accountable for his blood. But if you do warn the wicked man and he does not turn from his wickedness or from his evil ways, he will die for his sin; but you will have saved yourself. Again, when a righteous man turns from his righteousness and does evil, and I put a stumbling block before him, he will die. Since you did not warn him, he will die for his sin. The righteous things he did will not be remembered, and I will hold you accountable for his blood. But if you do warn the righteous man not to sin and he does not sin, he will surely live because he took warning, and you will have saved yourself.

We've got work to do! After reading that, I can't just sit by and watch bad things happen...we've got a message to share, and people to reach that are not going to come running to us; so we might as well give up waiting for them and go running to them. I always think of the people that I've had conversations with telling them about Jesus. I always think of the people I've led to faith, the people I've prayed with and seen healed. I think of all the good things that have happened and how God will have seen those. I don't think about the people I haven't shared with; the situations where I haven't had the courage to speak out; the people I've avoided...but I'm going to be held accountable for those people, so perhaps I should!

What a cat-astrophe

2006-11-03T16:28:00.000Z

I didn't get the job! For goodness sake how hard can it be?!

But the weirdest thing happened last night...I was at a friends house and didn't realise the time, so ended up leaving at 2.30am (this morning). I was a tad nervous, there are nicer places to be at that time of the night than the Woolwich flyover, but the walk back went without a hitch.

When I got about half way, I saw a cat running towards me. I'm not a fan of cats (not that I'm superstitious, I just don't like them) so I have to admit that in my league of things to be scared of, this cat was up there with the druggies under the flyover. By reciting the "even though I walk through the shadow of the valley of death I will fear no evil" Psalm and calling to mind the bit in Matilda where Ms Trunchball kicks the cat and sends it flying (not that I watch that film often), I calmed myself down before it got to me. I stopped and it rubbed itself against my legs...I tried doing that once and got a slap for it (joke), so I don't know why it thought it could do it to me.

I started walking again and it followed me...no it didn't, it walked right next to me, right under my feet all the way back to my house. If I stopped, so did the cat. If I slowed down, so did the cat. If I sped up, so did the cat. If I crossed the road, zig-zagged, got on a bus, stopped for a cigarette (joke), so did the cat. I thought we were going to end up with a cat in our living room but it stopped at the end of my drive and rolled over in a bid to get me to rub its belly...fat chance. By now it was getting on for 3am so not much was going on in my head, but I kept being reminded of Jesus' promise right at the end of Matthew..."surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age".

I had spent the evening fuming over the fact that I hadn't got this job, feeling useless for not being able to find one anywhere, worrying about what I was going to do for money...and a cat of all things (don't tell anyone!) provided me with just the reassurance I needed to calm down.

Ephesians 4:26 - "'In your anger do not sin': Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry"

2006-11-01T12:08:00.000Z

Editorial - in response to "Son of a preacher man" post

2006-11-01T11:21:00.000Z

(See previous post, "Son of a preacher man")

I stand corrected! A friend of mine (an officer, born to officer parents, with grown up children of his own so well-equipped to quash all of my concerns) emailed to comment on concerns I had raised about having children as an officer. Part of his feedback read:

"Education used to be the big complaint but officers are moved these days with far less frequency than they used to be. And they are allowed a far greater say in when they move. The standard term is now 5 years, extended by agreement every two years up to a total stay of 9 years. This could mean that a child entering school at 5 years of age need have only one change of school before university.To be honest, a lot of sentimental twaddle is talked about the officers kids and officer parents. They’re people and like all people, there are good, bad and indifferent ones. Both my daughters are lovely people who are happily married, love the Lord and have beautiful children. Both have excellent university degrees. Did having officer parents affect me or my children? I honestly don’t think it made a scrap of difference.As far as parents’ making sacrifices if their children go on missionary service....if the child was dedicated in the SA it’s part of the ceremony that the parents will not withhold their child for such service. In any case, many ‘children’ these days emigrate, some to the other ends of the earth. What parent would stand in the way of a child’s desire to pursue happiness, whether it is in a secular or spiritual journey"

Thats what I needed! Apologies if I touched a raw nerve with anyone, I wasn't saying it was wrong or cruel or that the children are eternally blighted by their parent's occupation or anything like that...the whole thing was just a random fleece that I put out a while ago. I think I can safely say that the fleece is wet and the ground dry, as requested!

No specific subject, trying to think about everything at the same time!

2006-11-01T10:29:00.000Z

Sorry, my mind is all over the place this morning so no rational train of thought!

We just had a prayer meeting at college - a group of us meet for an hour of prayer and worship every wednesday morning, but lots of people were away today so there were only 3 of us. It was great though, really felt the presence and peace of God...without the usual pressure that comes with having lots of people there. It was really good to just spend a relaxed hour chilling out in Gods presence, praying for the things that He put on our hearts. 1John 5:14-15..."This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us - whatever we ask - we know that we have what we asked of him"

I've got a job interview tomorrow...I really need this job so if you're the praying sort please pray. If you're not the praying sort, please go on an Alpha course and then pray.

I came out the house this morning to walk in to college (8.30am, give the lad a medal!) and it was freezing! Can't help but think back to Estonia...I had an email yesterday from a girl I met there (thats a story for another time) saying that they had snow. So it's started - when we went to the Lines where the people were living with absolutely nothing, we were told that before long there would be 2 feet of snow and it would be -20degrees and still these people would be stuck there with no electricity, water, heating, food, doors, windows, roofs (burnt down by lighting fires inside their wooden huts) etc. I didn't have the heart to complain about being cold after that.

I've just started reading a book by Roger Forster about the doctrine and theology of the Trinity. I've only got as far as the introduction and most of it is over my head...but one thing that stuck out to me as I read it was the concept of unity in diversity (thinking about it, it might have been diversity within unity, I'll check!) - three separate beings being as one. So there might be a blog about that soon. Whilst on the subject of the Trinity though, I was at cell group last week and Rogers daughter was talking about creation, how to read the whole creation in 7 days thing and how to approach things like the big bang, evolution etc...was really interesting. But she said something about the Trinity - although it is never spoken of directly in the Bible, it is hinted at a lot and starts quite early on (I'd never picked this up)...Genesis chapter 1. Father: verse1, creator. Spirt: verse2 "the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters". Son: verse3 "and God said..." - human connotations. How clever!

I've also been trying to work out the plagues in Exodus...if God sent them to make Pharoah turn to Him, why did He harden his heart and send more plagues when he tried to? (see especially Exodus 10:16-20). Why harden his heart when He could soften it? So there might be a blog about that one soon as well!

Get out of the boat!

2006-10-30T16:46:00.000Z

My memory was stirred just now when I opened up a picture from Estonia...

That's me, on the right - the only English person amongst a sea of Estonians (pardon the pun). It was carefully executed, I was set up to be humiliated by another member of the group who volunteered my services when the guy in the lifejacket asked for assistants in his talk. I couldn't hear the translator and still don't have a clue what he was talking about, but he was making us pretend to row...at least I think thats what we were doing, I just copied everyone else. But I can hazard a guess that he was talking about the whole walking on water thing...though his lifejacket clearly demonstrates a lack of faith. I had to remind myself of the story - so often I take commonly heard stories like this one for granted and never think about/learn from them properly. Matthew 14:22-33...

Immediately Jesus made the disciples get into the boat and go on ahead of him to the other side, while he dismissed the crowd. After he had dismissed them, he went up on a mountainside by himself to pray. When evening came, he was there alone, but the boat was already a considerable distance from land, buffeted by the waves because the wind was against it. During the fourth watch of the night Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake. When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified. "It's a ghost," they said, and cried out in fear. But Jesus immediately said to them: "Take courage! It is I. Don't be afraid." "Lord, if it's you," Peter replied, "tell me to come to you on the water." "Come," he said. Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, "Lord, save me!" Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. "You of little faith," he said, "why did you doubt?" And when they climbed into the boat, the wind died down. Then those who were in the boat worshiped him, saying, "Truly you are the Son of God."

Often, I won't trust God, I'll complain about how bad things are; but then He'll claim the victory as ever, and I'll be stood there wondering why I ever doubted Him...He asks "you of little faith, why did you doubt?"...and I can't answer because I should have learnt by now!

Hebrews 11:1-2 "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. This is what the ancients were commended for" Will you be commended for your faith like the ancients were? I won't! Like I said a minute ago, I let stories like this wash over me (sorry, another pun) without properly taking it in...so when I read it just now, I noticed something I've never picked up before...Jesus didn't just tell Peter to get out of the boat. Peter asked Him to do it - to put his faith to the test. Take whatever you like from that because I'm too tired and I don't know where I'm going with this...but to get to Jesus, Peter had to be certain of what he could not see. Are we in a position where we can rely on our faith, and make a personal decision to step out of the boat and into the unknown? Hebrews 11 describes how many people lived by faith..Abel, Enoch, Noah, Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Joseph, Moses, the Israelites, Rahab, Gideon, Barak, Samson, Jephthah, David, Samuel and the prophets...all these people and more achieved great things by faith. I want my name to be somewhere on that list too.

Hehehe

2006-10-30T13:44:00.000Z

Spot the students...

Son of a preacher man

2006-10-30T12:50:00.000Z

I don't know why that random song (1969, I wasn't even born - I doubt even God had thought that far ahead!) just came to mind but it did...even though the only connection it shares with what I was thinking about is the word "preacher".

I've spent alot of time thinking about the whole "officer's kid" scenario...not because I am one but because I might one day have one, and don't know quite what to make of it! When I went through the stage of fighting and ignoring God's call to officership, one of my big questions was about children, and the disruption it would cause them - especially in the army, where officers are moved around. How would it affect their upbringing, schooling, ability to form lasting relationships etc. Once I realised that it was a long way off yet and purely hypothetical, my mind switched to my own parents - the other side of the coin, being potential "officers parents".

I still remember the shame and embarassment I felt when I eventually told my mum what I felt God calling me to do. And I still remember the most terrifying schoolboy clanger I dropped just a few months ago when I told my Dad...let me set the scene. I don't see him often, and so a suitable moment hadn't really arisen for me to tell him - even if it had I would have been too scared to do it. Back in June, I got baptised and in response to Nicky Gumbel's famous "how did you become a Christian" and "what difference has Jesus made in your life" questions, I briefly mentioned the fact that God had called me to work for the church in full time ministry. By this time I was comfortable with the whole thing, had given up arguing with God and was keen to get on with it. But as I came off the stage I saw my dad sitting a few rows back, remembered that I still hadn't told him, and realised the clanger I'd just dropped...in front of 1000 people. I'd never felt so stupid in all my life, and prayed for the ground to open up in front of me!

But I digress...the fact is that they both took it better than I had imagined, even though I hadn't honed my smooth-talking skills when it came to telling them. Although I now can't wait to fulfil this calling, I often think about how my family might feel - or any other people in that situation, when I can't tell them where I'll be, what I'll be doing, how much I'll be earning, how often I'll see them, etc. All these things (except maybe the last one!) are, I guess, things every parent wants to be assured of...so am I in a way failing them by not being able to answer them? Of course not, because God must (and does) take priority...and He sees the commitment and sacrifice involved in taking up His call...see Luke 9:57-62

As they were walking along the road, a man said to him, "I will follow you wherever you go."
Jesus replied, "Foxes have holes and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head." He said to another man, "Follow me." But the man replied, "Lord, first let me go and bury my father." Jesus said to him, "Let the dead bury their own dead, but you go and proclaim the kingdom of God." Still another said, "I will follow you, Lord; but first let me go back and say good bye to my family." Jesus replied, "No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God."

This morning I came across a quote on the Kopli corps blog (the church we went to in Estonia last week)..."Those parents who release their child to missionary service are, in a very real way, placing their most tender affections at the feet of the cross. By calling their child, God gives them a unique opportunity to show their love for Him. How precious their sacrifice must be in Gods eyes! Who better than He could understand what it costs a parent to give his child so that sinners can be saved?" Problem solved!

If anyone can share their worldly wisdom on this subject, I'll love you for ever!

Faith, hope and love

2006-10-30T09:20:00.000Z

As promised, now I've got my bible and notes I'll share what God put on my heart to share as my testimony in Estonia. I think it will lose some of the effect now it doesn't have to be translated twice, and I'll leave out the joke that got me in trouble with the corps officers there.

I never know what a "testimony" is meant to be. My life story is boring most of the way through, and not pretty in parts, so I'll leave that out and just concentrate on this last year. When I was praying about what to say, I was reminded of the passage in 1Corinthians 13 that speaks about faith, hope and love - so I tried to fit something around that.

Faith - I spoke about my obedient response to God's call to Salvation Army officership...namely "no, never, why, I can't", and that however many arguments or excuses I put in the way, God put each and every one to shame in a way that not even my mum can do. John 15:16 says "You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit—fruit that will last. Then the Father will give you whatever you ask in my name" I didn't choose that direction for my life - I thought it was a stupid idea. But God did, and since I stopped arguing about it a year ago, He's changed and taught me so much. There's still a lot I'm not sure about (most recently, what country I'll be serving in!) but I've learnt to trust God to make me the person He wants me to be - and I want to encourage you to do the same. Romans 8:28; "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose"

Hope - I'm told that hope comes from our faith, so I thought about what I hoped for. Whilst I was on the platform speaking, my main hope was that what I was saying was making sense and that the translators weren't changing it to make me look even more stupid (I did wonder why the russian seemed to be 3 times longer than anything else)! I hoped that over the weekend, people would be spoken to and challenged by our ministry. But ultimately, I hope that over time I'll get to know God better, and I want you to as well. Colossians 1:27; "To them God has chosen to make known among the Gentiles the glorious riches of this mystery, which is Christ in you, the hope of glory"

That passage vaguely leads on to the last one - Love, because it speaks about "Christ in you". And when Christ is in you, it shows. Love, as the Regional Commander's wife put it when I asked her, is the outward expression of our faith. I wasn't bought up in a Christian family...I'm a Christian because of the love, friendship and support of a friend. Sometimes, telling people about God isn't enough...no matter how much I was preached at, I didn't believe it - until I was shown. The man that showed me what God was like matched the description of love that Paul gives us in 1Corinthians...he was patient, kind, humble; not rude, or selfish, or angry. Love is about protection, trust and perseverance. When he showed me that, I became a Christian and it is now my mission to show people how much God loves them. And I want to encourage you to do the same, to "live a life of love, just as Christ loved us" (Ephesians 5:2)

Has anyone else noticed?

2006-10-28T14:41:00.000+01:00

I got the bus into college this morning - I don't usually cos I'm a poor student and can't afford to. But this morning I was so keen to see the pictures that a friend emailed me of our trip to Estonia that the 15minute walk was simply out of the question. But I hated every moment of the bus ride...everybody is so antisocial! I go on the tube to church every week and it bugs me then too...where loads of people are together in a train carriage or on a bus, and everyone's really miserable. There's an unwritten rule that forbids making eye contact with anybody on the tube, let alone smiling. I hate it, and go out of my way to eyeball each and every person in the carriage...if you smile at someone as they get on the train, the empty seat next to you will stay empty...magic. It reminds me of the story of Jesus on the shores of Lake Galillee with the disciples...I don't know if it's quoted in scripture or not but I'm sure He would have said it at some point... "surely I say unto thee; you have heard it said that a man must ignore his brother when travelling around Londinium. But I tell you, anyone who follows this teaching is a miserable so&so who needs cheering up"

Estonia

2006-10-28T13:31:00.000+01:00

Have recently got back from Estonia, I went with a group from The Salvation Army. It was the most humbling, eye-opening, priority-changing time ever and I'm so glad I was able to go. I had a sense from the moment I knew I'd be going that it wasn't just fluke, and that God was going to have something to say while I was there. I went with the band from a small corps (church) in Hythe (on the coast near Folkstone)...to play cornet. I'm not a cornet player, nor do I have any real connection with that church so was wondering why they asked me! But I got so much from our time there, none of it relating to the music - that was just the means to an end, story of my life!

The biggest thing that sticks in my mind (and will for the rest of my life) is when we went down the road to the Kopli Lines. This is the poorest area of the city, where 6000 people live with no electricity, running water, sanitation, etc. The Salvation Army has a regular ministry in that area and we were so priviliged to be able to join them on this occasion. We were told that in a couple of months time, temperatures would be down to -20 and there would be 2 or 3 feet of snow...yet still these people would be here with no way of keeping warm except by lighting fires inside their huts...which then often caught fire. It made me think...this is what The Salvation Army was raised up to do, to meet people in places like this and to show them the love of God. To us a cup of soup is almost nothing, and (dare I say it) has almost become an iconic part of our ministry here in the UK - we do it partially because its the "done thing", partially out of guilt for not being able to do anything worthwhile, all the time knowing that we are often being taken advantage of. But here, that cup of soup was probably the only meal some people would have for a long time. It showed me a whole new meaning to the word "need", and changed my priorities in life completely.

Another highlight was the chance I had to share a "testimony" during the sunday morning meeting. This was hilarious as everything that was said had to be translated twice - into Estonian and Russian - and took for ever. But I was struggling to come up with something to say - I never know what a testimony is meant to be, and I don't really have a very interesting story to tell. So I gave it over to God and asked what He wanted to say through me. He put the "faith, hope and love" passage from 1Corinthians 13 on my heart, so I spoke around that...I'll elaborate when I've got my bible with me because I can't remember everything off the top of my head. I don't do enough thinking, and often its only when things like this make me look back at the past that I realise quite what God has done in my life and how He's shaping me for the future.

There's a scary word...one which has given me so much hassle over the last year as I've given up fighting God's call to full time ministry. And this is where I realise why I was asked to play an instrument I don't play by a church I don't go to. Before we went, a friend had a vision that while I was there God would speak to me in an amazing way. It got to the sunday morning meeting and He hadn't yet (apart from the whole faith, hope&love thing) so I thought I'd got away with it. Then when we went to the Lines I realised that if He was going to say anything then it would probably be here, so I asked Him if the compassion I had for the people living here meant that He wanted me to work with the Army here (or at least somewhere similar - lets face it, there's poverty everywhere). At first I sensed that He didn't want me to go back there, but just to know that it existed, to have a heart for the people and for the church's ministry there, and to pray for it. I was reminded of a curate at another church I go to saying that a need isn't necessarily a call...somebody has to work there, but maybe not me. But thats been slowly changing over the last week (I know, a week is hardly time for something to change slowly, but I know what I mean even if nobody else does). I started to sense that although God was still saying "no", there was a hint of "not yet" in it, a conviction not to rule anything out. Maybe thats just me, I don't know. I've got two and a half years left at music college before I have to think about what to do next, so there's plenty of time for God to correct me. It says in Proverbs (somewhere - I'd find it if I had my bible with me) "in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths"...

Sorry for the essay

2006-10-28T13:15:00.000+01:00

Not saying that I have a simple mind or anything, but I'm easily pleased, and was highly amused when I found this. Pray for me if you like

My first blog!

2006-10-28T12:52:00.000+01:00

Ok, what am i doing?! I'm new to this, but saw that loads of people have been doing it for ages and thought it would be a good idea...I don't think enough, my brain is asleep most of the time so maybe this blogging thing will wake it up...bear with me lol