Yet he did not waver

I've been challenged on two fronts by a passage I read earlier...

"Against all hope, Abraham in hope believed and so became the father of many nations, just as it had been said to him, "So shall your offspring be." Without weakening in his faith, he faced the fact that his body was as good as dead—since he was about a hundred years old—and that Sarah's womb was also dead. Yet he did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God had power to do what he had promised. This is why "it was credited to him as righteousness." The words "it was credited to him" were written not for him alone, but also for us, to whom God will credit righteousness—for us who believe in him who raised Jesus our Lord from the dead. He was delivered over to death for our sins and was raised to life for our justification." (Romans 4:18-25)

Firstly, the bit about Abraham not losing faith in God's promise even when it looked completely impossible, and how his faith was strengthened as a result. Over recent months I have been stepping out of the boat and seeking to follow what appeared to be God leading me away from music college to study Theology. Although I felt sure that music wasn't the right thing for me, I wouldn't have said I was the right sort of person to study theology either. But God is God, and I feel confident of His guidance and it has been awesome to watch doors open in the most incredible ways (especially recently, when they have been miraculously held open!). The exciting thing is the knowledge that if I am to complete the next three years, I need to lean wholly on God because it's not something that I will be able to do in my own strength. In that sense it will be a real test of faith, but also an awesome opportunity for God to be glorified, just as He was when Abraham saw the promise fulfilled.

Secondly, the passage goes on to say that the power of God to fulfil His promises wasn't just for Abraham but it remains today for "us who believe". I've mentioned before that there are a couple of things that I really struggle with - esteem and relationships. And as much as I have seen God move in awesome ways regarding the whole theology thing, I've also continued to struggle (more so right now than ever before) with these other things. As I read the above passage with fresh eyes in the context of struggles as opposed to my celebrations, different parts stick out.

"Against all hope, Abraham in hope believed" - it raises the question once again about what we put our hope in. When all earthly factors seemed to be going against Abraham, he clung to the promise of God. Do we? Do I? Rarely...which is bad. I've seen for myself recently that God is faithful in His word - and not just with the university thing either. Recently my sister went into hospital for a big operation. I was able to go down to theatre with her when they put her to sleep, something I have never seen before. Watching her drift off to sleep mid-conversation was the hardest thing I have ever done, but I felt a tremendous sense of peace as I placed her in Gods hands, knowing that He would protect and restore her...and He did.

"Without weakening in his faith, he faced the fact" that both he and Sarah had physical limitations...how? How does he face his limitations and inadequacies without losing faith? I really wish I could! Why is it that no matter how many miracles God pulls off right in front of my eyes, I still struggle so much with the comparatively unimportant things? How do I manage to feel so crap in myself even though deep down I know that God is faithful and strong? I want to be like Abraham, hope against all hope.

"To you, O LORD, I lift up my soul; in you I trust, O my God. Do not let me be put to shame, nor let my enemies triumph over me. No one whose hope is in you will ever be put to shame" (Psalm 25:1-3a)