Fit for service?

I'm having a really bizarre week (things weren't helped this morning when I put my Trinity card in the cash machine, but we'll overlook that)! I've been feeling increasingly hopeless, helpless and overwhelmed with certain situations, yet at the same time God seems to be doing so much in/through me in other areas (whilst delivering subtle messages about the hopeless ones!)

John wrote; "You yourselves can testify that I said, 'I am not the Christ but am sent ahead of him.' The bride belongs to the bridegroom. The friend who attends the bridegroom waits and listens for him, and is full of joy when he hears the bridegroom's voice. That joy is mine, and it is now complete. He must become greater; I must become less" (John 3:28-30).

How much have I seen this week that I need to stop trying to do things in my own strength?! God has promised to bring his plans and promises to fruition, and that they are good and perfect plans (Romans 12:2). This week he has also taught me about patience, and putting hope in things unseen (Romans 8:24-27) so even though I know deep down that God has got things sorted, why do I still struggle so much?! For goodness sake I asked for a miracle and God did it; whats my problem?! And, if I'm in such a mess, how is God managing to use me in different ways at the same time?

"But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me" (2Corinthians 12:9)

Last night I was challenged by the bit where Jesus challenges people on the cost of being His follower;

As they were walking along the road, a man said to him, "I will follow you wherever you go." Jesus replied, "Foxes have holes and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head." He said to another man, "Follow me." But the man replied, "Lord, first let me go and bury my father." Jesus said to him, "Let the dead bury their own dead, but you go and proclaim the kingdom of God." Still another said, "I will follow you, Lord; but first let me go back and say good-bye to my family." Jesus replied, "No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God." (Luke 9:57-62)

There were a couple of interesting things that stick out from the story.

• In Jewish custom (then and now), the dead are buried immediately. So it was unlikely that the mans father was dead yet as the man would otherwise be with the body or it would already have been buried; it is likely that the man was simply trying to put off following Jesus. The word Jesus uses for "dead" can be used for the spiritually dead as well.

• Jesus wouldn't let the man go back and say good-bye to his family as he knows the pressure that we can come under from family and friends that could distract us from the call of God. Sometimes people (even Christian friends with the best of intentions) can affect our priorities and cause us to stumble.

Both of those observations apply to me; procrastination is one of my biggest hinderances! I'm put to shame when I read about the calling of the first disciples (Matthew 4:18-20); Jesus called told them to join him and "at once they left their nets and followed him" (v20).

But it is the second point which is most affecting me at the moment; the challenge not to put love/friendship before the call of God. That's something I'm really struggling with at the moment (and for the last year and a bit!). "Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you by the gazelles and by the does of the field: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires" (Song of Solomon 2:7)...but what if it does "so desire"?!

Help!!