"He is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does"

No, that's not what my school reports used to say!

I'm back in business! Was really busy over Christmas, here there and everywhere...but I'm back in London now, really glad to be back. And I'm not a teenager anymore, I've reached 20, the height of decadence and maturity.

So much has been going on recently which I could blog about but following complaints of boredom from Wes I won't write about it all. But basically I've been really worried and stressed about so many things...big things, small things, important things, boring things, skinny things, everything. It came to a head last weekend when I was ridiculously frustrated with everything. Jenny reminded me of God saying "I will never leave or forsake you", but I dismissed it there and then as lies...God clearly had left me!! But that afternoon when I got home from church I shut myself in my room for the afternoon and worked through everything that was on my mind. I looked at the context of the verse that she had reminded me of...

"Moses my servant is dead. Now then, you and all these people, get ready to cross the Jordan River into the land I am about to give to them—to the Israelites. I will give you every place where you set your foot, as I promised Moses. Your territory will extend from the desert to Lebanon, and from the great river, the Euphrates—all the Hittite country—to the Great Sea on the west. No one will be able to stand up against you all the days of your life. As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you." (Joshua 1:2-5)

Point number one...God hadn't set aside the land for the Israelites yet - he was about to do it. So it is pointless me being worried about things I can't see happening...I need to step out in faith and trust that when I do, God will "give me every place where I set my foot"

Point number two..."As I was with Moses, so I will be with you" - I'm hardly the first person to be anxious about situations, God has directed and provided for countless people before me - and will do the same for countless people after me!

Another thing - last year I spent all my time asking God for signs or revelation. They didn't come...actually I think they did, I just didn't have the guts to take them so kept asking for more, like Gideon.

"If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does." (James 1:5-8)

I made it one of my new years resolutions to not be hesitant. I always complained that God wasn't telling me what to do...of course he was, I just wasn't listening. For months the same pattern would arise day in, day out whenever I spoke to Jenny..."What can I pray for for you?" "Revelation". Now, it's "what can I pray for for you?" "Faith and guts"...this is going to be a year of stepping out in faith, so watch out!