Get out of the boat!

My memory was stirred just now when I opened up a picture from Estonia...

That's me, on the right - the only English person amongst a sea of Estonians (pardon the pun). It was carefully executed, I was set up to be humiliated by another member of the group who volunteered my services when the guy in the lifejacket asked for assistants in his talk. I couldn't hear the translator and still don't have a clue what he was talking about, but he was making us pretend to row...at least I think thats what we were doing, I just copied everyone else. But I can hazard a guess that he was talking about the whole walking on water thing...though his lifejacket clearly demonstrates a lack of faith. I had to remind myself of the story - so often I take commonly heard stories like this one for granted and never think about/learn from them properly. Matthew 14:22-33...

Immediately Jesus made the disciples get into the boat and go on ahead of him to the other side, while he dismissed the crowd. After he had dismissed them, he went up on a mountainside by himself to pray. When evening came, he was there alone, but the boat was already a considerable distance from land, buffeted by the waves because the wind was against it. During the fourth watch of the night Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake. When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified. "It's a ghost," they said, and cried out in fear. But Jesus immediately said to them: "Take courage! It is I. Don't be afraid." "Lord, if it's you," Peter replied, "tell me to come to you on the water." "Come," he said. Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, "Lord, save me!" Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. "You of little faith," he said, "why did you doubt?" And when they climbed into the boat, the wind died down. Then those who were in the boat worshiped him, saying, "Truly you are the Son of God."

Often, I won't trust God, I'll complain about how bad things are; but then He'll claim the victory as ever, and I'll be stood there wondering why I ever doubted Him...He asks "you of little faith, why did you doubt?"...and I can't answer because I should have learnt by now!

Hebrews 11:1-2 "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. This is what the ancients were commended for" Will you be commended for your faith like the ancients were? I won't! Like I said a minute ago, I let stories like this wash over me (sorry, another pun) without properly taking it in...so when I read it just now, I noticed something I've never picked up before...Jesus didn't just tell Peter to get out of the boat. Peter asked Him to do it - to put his faith to the test. Take whatever you like from that because I'm too tired and I don't know where I'm going with this...but to get to Jesus, Peter had to be certain of what he could not see. Are we in a position where we can rely on our faith, and make a personal decision to step out of the boat and into the unknown? Hebrews 11 describes how many people lived by faith..Abel, Enoch, Noah, Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Joseph, Moses, the Israelites, Rahab, Gideon, Barak, Samson, Jephthah, David, Samuel and the prophets...all these people and more achieved great things by faith. I want my name to be somewhere on that list too.

Hehehe

Spot the students...

Son of a preacher man

I don't know why that random song (1969, I wasn't even born - I doubt even God had thought that far ahead!) just came to mind but it did...even though the only connection it shares with what I was thinking about is the word "preacher".

I've spent alot of time thinking about the whole "officer's kid" scenario...not because I am one but because I might one day have one, and don't know quite what to make of it! When I went through the stage of fighting and ignoring God's call to officership, one of my big questions was about children, and the disruption it would cause them - especially in the army, where officers are moved around. How would it affect their upbringing, schooling, ability to form lasting relationships etc. Once I realised that it was a long way off yet and purely hypothetical, my mind switched to my own parents - the other side of the coin, being potential "officers parents".

I still remember the shame and embarassment I felt when I eventually told my mum what I felt God calling me to do. And I still remember the most terrifying schoolboy clanger I dropped just a few months ago when I told my Dad...let me set the scene. I don't see him often, and so a suitable moment hadn't really arisen for me to tell him - even if it had I would have been too scared to do it. Back in June, I got baptised and in response to Nicky Gumbel's famous "how did you become a Christian" and "what difference has Jesus made in your life" questions, I briefly mentioned the fact that God had called me to work for the church in full time ministry. By this time I was comfortable with the whole thing, had given up arguing with God and was keen to get on with it. But as I came off the stage I saw my dad sitting a few rows back, remembered that I still hadn't told him, and realised the clanger I'd just dropped...in front of 1000 people. I'd never felt so stupid in all my life, and prayed for the ground to open up in front of me!

But I digress...the fact is that they both took it better than I had imagined, even though I hadn't honed my smooth-talking skills when it came to telling them. Although I now can't wait to fulfil this calling, I often think about how my family might feel - or any other people in that situation, when I can't tell them where I'll be, what I'll be doing, how much I'll be earning, how often I'll see them, etc. All these things (except maybe the last one!) are, I guess, things every parent wants to be assured of...so am I in a way failing them by not being able to answer them? Of course not, because God must (and does) take priority...and He sees the commitment and sacrifice involved in taking up His call...see Luke 9:57-62

As they were walking along the road, a man said to him, "I will follow you wherever you go."
Jesus replied, "Foxes have holes and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head." He said to another man, "Follow me." But the man replied, "Lord, first let me go and bury my father." Jesus said to him, "Let the dead bury their own dead, but you go and proclaim the kingdom of God." Still another said, "I will follow you, Lord; but first let me go back and say good bye to my family." Jesus replied, "No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God."

This morning I came across a quote on the Kopli corps blog (the church we went to in Estonia last week)..."Those parents who release their child to missionary service are, in a very real way, placing their most tender affections at the feet of the cross. By calling their child, God gives them a unique opportunity to show their love for Him. How precious their sacrifice must be in Gods eyes! Who better than He could understand what it costs a parent to give his child so that sinners can be saved?" Problem solved!

If anyone can share their worldly wisdom on this subject, I'll love you for ever!

Faith, hope and love

As promised, now I've got my bible and notes I'll share what God put on my heart to share as my testimony in Estonia. I think it will lose some of the effect now it doesn't have to be translated twice, and I'll leave out the joke that got me in trouble with the corps officers there.

I never know what a "testimony" is meant to be. My life story is boring most of the way through, and not pretty in parts, so I'll leave that out and just concentrate on this last year. When I was praying about what to say, I was reminded of the passage in 1Corinthians 13 that speaks about faith, hope and love - so I tried to fit something around that.

Faith - I spoke about my obedient response to God's call to Salvation Army officership...namely "no, never, why, I can't", and that however many arguments or excuses I put in the way, God put each and every one to shame in a way that not even my mum can do. John 15:16 says "You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit—fruit that will last. Then the Father will give you whatever you ask in my name" I didn't choose that direction for my life - I thought it was a stupid idea. But God did, and since I stopped arguing about it a year ago, He's changed and taught me so much. There's still a lot I'm not sure about (most recently, what country I'll be serving in!) but I've learnt to trust God to make me the person He wants me to be - and I want to encourage you to do the same. Romans 8:28; "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose"

Hope - I'm told that hope comes from our faith, so I thought about what I hoped for. Whilst I was on the platform speaking, my main hope was that what I was saying was making sense and that the translators weren't changing it to make me look even more stupid (I did wonder why the russian seemed to be 3 times longer than anything else)! I hoped that over the weekend, people would be spoken to and challenged by our ministry. But ultimately, I hope that over time I'll get to know God better, and I want you to as well. Colossians 1:27; "To them God has chosen to make known among the Gentiles the glorious riches of this mystery, which is Christ in you, the hope of glory"

That passage vaguely leads on to the last one - Love, because it speaks about "Christ in you". And when Christ is in you, it shows. Love, as the Regional Commander's wife put it when I asked her, is the outward expression of our faith. I wasn't bought up in a Christian family...I'm a Christian because of the love, friendship and support of a friend. Sometimes, telling people about God isn't enough...no matter how much I was preached at, I didn't believe it - until I was shown. The man that showed me what God was like matched the description of love that Paul gives us in 1Corinthians...he was patient, kind, humble; not rude, or selfish, or angry. Love is about protection, trust and perseverance. When he showed me that, I became a Christian and it is now my mission to show people how much God loves them. And I want to encourage you to do the same, to "live a life of love, just as Christ loved us" (Ephesians 5:2)

Has anyone else noticed?

I got the bus into college this morning - I don't usually cos I'm a poor student and can't afford to. But this morning I was so keen to see the pictures that a friend emailed me of our trip to Estonia that the 15minute walk was simply out of the question. But I hated every moment of the bus ride...everybody is so antisocial! I go on the tube to church every week and it bugs me then too...where loads of people are together in a train carriage or on a bus, and everyone's really miserable. There's an unwritten rule that forbids making eye contact with anybody on the tube, let alone smiling. I hate it, and go out of my way to eyeball each and every person in the carriage...if you smile at someone as they get on the train, the empty seat next to you will stay empty...magic. It reminds me of the story of Jesus on the shores of Lake Galillee with the disciples...I don't know if it's quoted in scripture or not but I'm sure He would have said it at some point... "surely I say unto thee; you have heard it said that a man must ignore his brother when travelling around Londinium. But I tell you, anyone who follows this teaching is a miserable so&so who needs cheering up"

Estonia

Have recently got back from Estonia, I went with a group from The Salvation Army. It was the most humbling, eye-opening, priority-changing time ever and I'm so glad I was able to go. I had a sense from the moment I knew I'd be going that it wasn't just fluke, and that God was going to have something to say while I was there. I went with the band from a small corps (church) in Hythe (on the coast near Folkstone)...to play cornet. I'm not a cornet player, nor do I have any real connection with that church so was wondering why they asked me! But I got so much from our time there, none of it relating to the music - that was just the means to an end, story of my life!

The biggest thing that sticks in my mind (and will for the rest of my life) is when we went down the road to the Kopli Lines. This is the poorest area of the city, where 6000 people live with no electricity, running water, sanitation, etc. The Salvation Army has a regular ministry in that area and we were so priviliged to be able to join them on this occasion. We were told that in a couple of months time, temperatures would be down to -20 and there would be 2 or 3 feet of snow...yet still these people would be here with no way of keeping warm except by lighting fires inside their huts...which then often caught fire. It made me think...this is what The Salvation Army was raised up to do, to meet people in places like this and to show them the love of God. To us a cup of soup is almost nothing, and (dare I say it) has almost become an iconic part of our ministry here in the UK - we do it partially because its the "done thing", partially out of guilt for not being able to do anything worthwhile, all the time knowing that we are often being taken advantage of. But here, that cup of soup was probably the only meal some people would have for a long time. It showed me a whole new meaning to the word "need", and changed my priorities in life completely.

Another highlight was the chance I had to share a "testimony" during the sunday morning meeting. This was hilarious as everything that was said had to be translated twice - into Estonian and Russian - and took for ever. But I was struggling to come up with something to say - I never know what a testimony is meant to be, and I don't really have a very interesting story to tell. So I gave it over to God and asked what He wanted to say through me. He put the "faith, hope and love" passage from 1Corinthians 13 on my heart, so I spoke around that...I'll elaborate when I've got my bible with me because I can't remember everything off the top of my head. I don't do enough thinking, and often its only when things like this make me look back at the past that I realise quite what God has done in my life and how He's shaping me for the future.

There's a scary word...one which has given me so much hassle over the last year as I've given up fighting God's call to full time ministry. And this is where I realise why I was asked to play an instrument I don't play by a church I don't go to. Before we went, a friend had a vision that while I was there God would speak to me in an amazing way. It got to the sunday morning meeting and He hadn't yet (apart from the whole faith, hope&love thing) so I thought I'd got away with it. Then when we went to the Lines I realised that if He was going to say anything then it would probably be here, so I asked Him if the compassion I had for the people living here meant that He wanted me to work with the Army here (or at least somewhere similar - lets face it, there's poverty everywhere). At first I sensed that He didn't want me to go back there, but just to know that it existed, to have a heart for the people and for the church's ministry there, and to pray for it. I was reminded of a curate at another church I go to saying that a need isn't necessarily a call...somebody has to work there, but maybe not me. But thats been slowly changing over the last week (I know, a week is hardly time for something to change slowly, but I know what I mean even if nobody else does). I started to sense that although God was still saying "no", there was a hint of "not yet" in it, a conviction not to rule anything out. Maybe thats just me, I don't know. I've got two and a half years left at music college before I have to think about what to do next, so there's plenty of time for God to correct me. It says in Proverbs (somewhere - I'd find it if I had my bible with me) "in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths"...

Sorry for the essay

Not saying that I have a simple mind or anything, but I'm easily pleased, and was highly amused when I found this. Pray for me if you like

My first blog!

Ok, what am i doing?! I'm new to this, but saw that loads of people have been doing it for ages and thought it would be a good idea...I don't think enough, my brain is asleep most of the time so maybe this blogging thing will wake it up...bear with me lol